BAKERLOO LINE BUMDER
Can't remember whether I've told you this one before or not...

In the summer of 2008, I had to set off from Elephant and Castle early one morning. It was probably the first or second tube train to depart the station that day. Bakerloo line at some ungodly hour when common sense would have dictated going back to bed or at least stopping somewhere for breakfast.

I blundered down the winding staircase to the platform and found the train waiting to depart. As I staggered into the carriage, I was just taking a seat when I spotted the glossy veneer of a magazine shimmering at me from the seat opposite.
Hmm, something to read? I thought, Let's see what it is; I've got a long journey ahead of me...

I leaned over to see what the nature of the magazine was. My eyes widened and I recoiled in alarm.
Bloody hell! Thought I, Some BUMDER has left a PAMPHLET OF PORNOGRAPHY FOR BUMDERS on this train! Don't think I'll be perusing that.

This made the start of the journey quite entertaining. Over the first few stops, more people boarded the train. Many wandered over to the seat, looked down at the magazine and then decided this was definitely not where they wanted to sit. Better yet, as the seats filled up, a void was left around this offending item. Even the people on the seats close to it seemed to be edging away from it in that manner normally only achieved by schoolchildren as they shuffle away in infantile disgust from the child who's just wet himself.

Eventually, the only seat in that part of the train not occupied by someone's arse was that occupied by the Book of Bumder. One man boarded the train at this stop. He walked over to the remaining seat and everybody else in the carriage seemed to watch in embarrassed anticipation.

It was as if he could feel our anticipation. As though he knew we were all waited to have a silent giggle at his horror. Whether he did or not, he did the one thing nobody expected.

He looked at the magazine. He picked it up. He sat down. And he read the magazine.

Brave man or UNABASHED BUMDER? You decide...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 18 May 2010, 10:35, Reply)