Every time bond was watching his favourite TV programme
I'd phone him up. He'd say "What'sh up?" and I'd be all "Oh, nothin'. Just wanted a chat." and then we'd have a really awkward conversation full of drawn out pauses.

Then, when he'd go to the cinema to see the latest film, I'd sit next to him eating sweets really loudly. I'd get the table next to him in restaurants and tell off colour jokes in a loud voice through the course of his meal. I'd pick up the last item that he wanted on the shelf of a supermarket. At every time in his life where he wanted or needed something, I'd be there to ruin it. And, eventually, the stress for him would be so immense, so consuming, that he'd jump off a tall building.

And, after he had splatted to the floor, he would look up and see me, standing over him. With his dying breath, he would say "Did you expect me to talk?" and I would say "NO MISTER BOND! I EXPECTED YOU TO FLY!"

Killed by a crap pun, you cunt. Superior Evil.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:28, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I like this more for the sheer petty annoyances
It sounds like how I treat an old housemate of mine.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:31, Reply)