A couple from my old nan...
"'Hvis og hvis min røv er spids og fyldt med marmelade'"

Or:

If my ass is pointy and full of marmalade. Literally, if there are too many unknowns in a statement, then the chance of it being true is the same as the chance of my ass being pointy and full of marmalade.

Usually works – except for the time that my ass was actually full of marmalade.

"Børst ikke tænder før du har åbnet munden."

Or:

Don’t brush your teeth before you’ve opened your mouth.

Gah! The times that I’ve tried to brush my teeth with my mouth closed, staring at the mirror blindly trying to work out why my teeth won’t clean. Presumably there’s some deeper meaning here.

The wisdom of the Danes. Best in the World. :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 13:16, 33 replies)

Not entirely sure why
but I like this.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 13:25, closed)

@becky
Because, at some point, you too have had an arse full of marmalade..?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 13:38, closed)

I like Danish
It sounds like a retarded version of Swedish. Aprat from people from Blekinge. They're all idiots.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 13:45, closed)

phwoar, marmelade
Being smothered in marmelade and ravished by a dark handsome stranger is on my "list of things to do before I die"

As is confessing my darkest desires to a bunch of people I know off the interweb.

One out of two isn't bad I suppose.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 13:48, closed)

Quite possibly Bert, quite possibly
I think it's more the image of DiT trying to brush his lips while eyeing up his marmalade filled arse

Edit: HLT you kinky little Minx...gets marmalade, assumes the position
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 13:49, closed)

Ahahaha...
It has happened on many mornings - along with a headache and a vague sense of foreboding...

Retarded Swedish? How dare you, sir! *smacks with glove*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 13:52, closed)

I work with a Danish lass
I may use these phrases in a pathetic attempt to gain approval.
Then again, she absolutely no sense of humour, so it may not work.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 13:53, closed)

@DiT
At least I didn't say Norweigian. The peasants.

@Boss Keloid:
Danes have a more British-like sense of humor than Swedes, so you may be in with a chance... then again, there are always humourless bastards *looks with a squinty eye at neopotist manager*
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 13:55, closed)

@Vulcan
No, I have a feeling she's a Carlsberg and bacon fueled android, sent from the future to make chipper, cheeky scottish blokes feel bad about themselves.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:11, closed)

Marmalade!
And HLT!

And Becky!

*faints*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:19, closed)

Is it Oxford thick cut marmelade?
I won't play unless it is.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:39, closed)

oh please
tiptree for the dirty girls, Duerrs for the uninitiated.

although dipping the toast in afterwards is an aquired taste.
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:45, closed)

@k2k6
WAKE UP
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:46, closed)

*awakens*
*sees what's going on*

*faints again due to lack of blood in the brain*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:50, closed)

@k2k6
*slaps*

yeah, you like that don't you.

*applies marmelade*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:54, closed)

@HLT
*recoils from slap*

To whom are you applying the marmalade?

Not that it really matters, so long as it's licked off!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 14:59, closed)

oh, I don't know.
You decide.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:00, closed)

Mutual marmalade application
followed by mutual removal, would do nicely.

*loses blood from brain again*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:02, closed)

oh, ok
I'll have to get another jar though.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:08, closed)

I like the Whisky Marmalade...
It's got a good bite to it. Not sugary like the Robinson's stuff.

*readies cameras*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:08, closed)

*poses*
has to be dark and bitter marmelade with big bits in.
*nomnomnom*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:27, closed)

*also poses*
while licking HLT's big marmaladey bits.

Edit - where's Becky gone? Wasn't she meant to be a part of this marmaladey orgy?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:32, closed)

maybe she's not *that* fond of marmelade
traitor.

Oh well!

*licks kdk6's marmeladey bits*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:40, closed)

Ooo!
I didn't realise you'd put marmalade there!

*eyes widen in astonishment*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 15:51, closed)

sorry, did I just cross the line?
I can clean up the marmalade if you like. I've been practising cleaning with DiT in the other thread.

*looks all innocent*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:04, closed)

Oh, no, not a problem
Just that I wasn't expecting it, that's all.

But it was very nice when it happened!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:10, closed)

I aim to please!
And you are rather good at lickage btw.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:13, closed)

If this is how it ends up
I'll need to insult you more often!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:29, closed)

oh yeah?
Try being nice to me. Then see what happens ;)
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:37, closed)

I'll have to try that tomorrow
I'm all marmaladed out at the moment!

*falls into post-citrus slumber*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:41, closed)

*steals away quietly*
*wonders what tomorrow will bring*

*cleanses self of marmalade*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:46, closed)

sorry
I wandered off for a nap as I thought you'd buggered off
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Jun 2008, 16:47, closed)