Trisha
I have been on Trisha! In many ways, that is all that needs saying. Those five words should be all I need to win, but being the self-centred, procrastinating son of a gun that I am, I shall furnish you with more details.


Firstly I should point out that I was only in the audience, not a guest. Alas I am not one of England's track-suited, working-class finest, who enjoys airing my most filthy of skidmarked laundry items to the nation, but a middle class oik who enjoys poking said track-suited poor people with a proverbial stick from the safety of my seat in a TV studio. Oh yes I was one of those people in the audience, whose well-to-do smugness positively glows for the camera, whilst enjoying the spectacle of several retards arguing over the paternity of a child, who will no doubt just steal oxygen (and other more expensive items) until they are shot in some sort of feud over drugs or other such proletariat nonsense.

Anyway, back to the story.

I was in my final year of college, which meant lots of time watching daytime telly, the highlight of any daytime experience was of course Trisha. My current bit of muff and I often discussed how fun it would be to sit in the audience and when it was announced that Trisha was moving to channel 5, the threat of a change to our favourite chav-fest spurred us into action, and two tickets were booked.

Unfortunately when we arrived at the studio, we realised that instead of the glorious slagfest that was the ITV version, we were booked into one of the first productions of the channel 5 version, which was being billed as a more civilized (boring) programme. Our hopes were dashed, only to be raised when we read through the shows itinerary. This show was about a transsexual couple, he used to be a woman, she used to be a man and now they were married. It was no 'My lesbian lover shagged my dad, brother and boyfriend and now she is pregnant' but it had potential.

The show started and was fairly tame. We heard how 'she' had cheated on 'him' but how 'he' had forgiven 'her'. Which was more sweet and touching that the violence and shouting we had hoped for. They discussed the ups and downs of their relationship and the difficulties of being a transgender individual. It was quite informative.

All to soon it was time for the audience participation part of the show. Trisha, who looks like a 6'2 rubber sex doll in real life (true story) asked if there were any questions and my hand shot up. I asked how being a transsexual affects their ability to get jobs (they had said earlier that they were both unemployed due to their gender issues, but i didnt see how that would work in modern inclusive Britain). I forget their answer now, because I was too busy blowing my beans with pride after Trisha said 'good question'. Sadly when I watched the episode some weeks later, they edited out Trisha's praise of me, I nearly cried.

As we departed the studios at the end of filming, we laughed at what a great day we had enjoyed, but the best was yet to come. I switched on the radio in the car and I shit you not, this is 100% completely honest to god, factually, scouts honour on my mothers life true.

The first song?

Dude looks like a lady.
(Bam Bam McPenis will change all this when he is fuhrer., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 16:06, 1 reply)

Love it:

"Trisha, who looks like a 6'2 rubber sex doll in real life (true story)"

...made me smile.
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 17:13, closed)