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This is a question That's me on TV!

Hotdog asks: Ever been on TV? I once managed to "accidentally" knock Ant (but not Dec) over live on the box.

We last asked this in 2004, but we know you've sabotaged more telly since then

(, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:08)
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Impersonating a woman
This could have gone in the Festivals question if I'd gotten there quick enough. My mum's sister Valerie was supposed to be going to Glastonbury last year, but in the end she couldn't make it, and asked if I wanted her ticket.

I jumped at the chance. Massive Attack, Jay-Z, Leonard Cohen, Jimmy Cliff, Seasick Steve? Fuck yeah. However, if you've been to Glastonbury in the last couple of years, you'll realise the problem I had at this point.

Photo ID.

Each ticket now has a photo of yourself on it. You can't really substitute tickets between people, to stop touting. And it's unfortunately very effective. So to get into the festival, I was going to have to pose as a 48-year-old woman. But I fucking well did it. It's a good thing I have lovely legs, am a hairless wonder with a surprisingly androgynous face and am fairly short (some people might say I was destined for a moment like this). Doing the classic Moss-chic thing of wellies, a miniskirt (yes, obviously borrowed from a friend) and a hoodie, the family likeness got me past the initial ticket checks, got my wristband and festival bags, and in!

Upon which I was immediately confronted by a BBC TV crew.

"Hi, we're doing some interviews for our coverage this year - what's your name?"

No "do you mind doing an interview". Bastards. I was still in earshot of the security, who were looking on in amusement. Oh crap. Okay, high voice but not too high....

"Hi Valerie! Is this your first Glastonbury?"
"Er... no!"
(at this point I realised I was speaking in a Scottish accent. Oh well, too late, plough on)
"So how many have you been to then?"
"Oh wow, a bit of a veteran then! So what's been your best Glastonbury moment?"
"And the worst?"
"...rain last year!"
"...okay, well thanks Valerie! Have a good festival!"

I'd gotten away with it, thanks to my lilting, breathy Scottish accent (I was almost turning myself on by the end of it) and my monosyllabic answers. But by the end, I was truly able to say that...

...I've been Auntie V.
(, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:46, 12 replies)
You had me to the end, though I should have seen something coming.
(, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 23:55, closed)
I echo
What he says up there
(, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 0:36, closed)
You bastard
Had me going right till the last line - and even then (with this hangover) it took a few moments to realise.
(, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 7:46, closed)
Have a very
well deserved *click*. If you don't win it is a crime.
(, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 8:03, closed)
(, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 14:11, closed)
You are an absolute bastard
You had me right to the last letter.

(, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 10:11, closed)
I walked right into that you fucking pun rapist
(, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 11:52, closed)
If I wasn't so angry with myself, I'd applaud.

Have a click for making me feel dirty and used
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:35, closed)
you utter bastard - I believed every word!
Nice one though...
(, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 13:34, closed)
veh good
(, Mon 15 Jun 2009, 13:46, closed)
Nice one! Lovely work there, Sir!
(, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 17:17, closed)
Oh for fuck's sake.

Got me well n'good.
(, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 10:31, closed)

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