Renal colic and Pitbull terriers...
Not combined, but I'd imagine that'd hurt even more.

Firstly, renal colic combined with kidney stones and infection due to my kidneys giving up and going on holiday due to years of anorexia nervosa. They pretty much went 'fuck this' and the pain would come on - slight twinge at first, followed by BAM the most excruciating pain you can ever imagine. It lasts for HOURS. And you can't hold it, like you'd grab a stubbed toe or cradle a stomach ache, or broken arm. All you can do is lie there and spasm and writhe, whilst you shake uncontrollably and froth at the mouth, dribbling bile fluid from your mouth as your body goes into shock from the sheer pain. Eventually the pain gets more bearable. It doesn't get better, you just become so spaced out that you kind of get used to it.
Eventually a doctor will inject you with various painkillers in an attempt to stop the pain. They won't really work, you'll just be so high that you don't care any more. And then without warning, the pain goes away again.
It may be hours, days, weeks or months until the pain comes back. I had the first pain a year before having 8 'attacks' within 2 months. That was about 5 years or so ago. I'll still get a 'twinge' now and then, which turns me white as a sheet in panic, but so far - touch wood - no more pain. The worst bit? Those 2 months were my A Level exams. I sat my business studies A level paper with that (got a B), collapsed and gave up on the part 2 paper though and went off to hospital (predicted grade given, A)

Second thing, which was unbelieveably as painful as the first, was being bitten by a pitbull on my kneecap the other week. He attacked my dog, a dobermann, going for his neck. Missed and grabbed his collar. Anyone with a dog will know about the big metal collar tags. Well this thing BENT it in half. I'm so glad he grabbed that and not my dog's neck. My dog instantly grabbed the scruff of his neck and held him, whilst stanading there like a lemon with a look of "what now" on his face, with a snarling pitbull hanging from his mouth. He didn't want to let go - assumingly he knew it'd bite him if he let go. In steps me to try and seperate the two (Owner standing there like a dick doing next to nothing)

Well the little bastard clamped onto my knee. The bite itself wasn't painful at all. He didn't get a good enough grip, and the owner grabbed him and walks off. Trembling, I puke all over my shoes - and notice the fat hanging out of my knee. Still no pain. I'm a mile into the woods, with no option but to walk home. Me and pooch walk home. I put pooch in the house, and get the bus to the hospital. Then the pain sets in. Knee swells to the size of a grapefruit (bearing in mind I'm a girl weighing in at just under 7 stone) and turns the most incredible shade of purple. I also notice the same has happened to my thumb. They clean it out (OUUUCCCCH) and xray it. Bandage me up, leave the wounds open to reduce risk of infection. Attempt popping fat back in with a finger and steristripping it. Doesn't work. Dose me up on an elephant dose of antibiotics and send me home.

That was 2 weeks ago. Yesterday I did something which rated as high as the renal colic on the pain scale. Whilst the initial injury hurt, this was mind blowing. I walked into a stool. Yes, a stool, at work. Twice. The same stool. It was perfect knee cap height, and I'd been using it to climb up and reach the top level of tanks. It hit me RIGHT in the major wound, with it's massive bruising under it. I saw stars. I felt sick. I went woozy. I didn't learn, and walked into the same stool again a few hours later. I couldn't believe something as dumb as that would hurt so much.

Length? 4 hours in A&E...
( Bathory, Sat 31 Jul 2010, 14:26, 4 replies)

You should find the dog owner
And cunt him in the fuck. He just stood there while his dog bit you? What a cunt.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 11:49, closed)

Yup...
None of the other dog owners recognised them, or the dog - one guy managed to chase her down after checking on me and tried to get her details but she gave the usual "not my dog" response you tend to get in these scenarios. It's a shame as we all know eachother up there, and all our pooches get on with eachother. Shame to have one spoil it for everyone, as now I won't take him up there on my own just incase anything worse happens.
( Bathory, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 17:50, closed)

That's absolutely disgraceful
I'm just sorry you're now changing plans to avoid the cunt
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 9:11, closed)

I have had my
finger bone split in two trying to break up two dogs fighting. My hand got in the way of a mouth. Didn't even break the skin.
I have been told the best way to break up two dogs fighting is to stick a finger up their bum. I really hope I never have to try this.
(Bababoon, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 22:44, closed)