I'll just slide this one in before the end.
This isn't the most painful moment of my life, but it comes fairly close. To set the scene; I was vaguely getting ready to head out for a quiet night out in the town, and so had started working my way through a crate of finest wifebeater. As one does.

During the course of getting ready, the thought came to me unbidden that I could do with a little bit of a shave. Now, I haven't been properly clean shaven in years - mainly because I go from a rapey looking lovechild of Tim Minchin and Paul Giamatti to a rape victim looking Macaulay Culkin. No, I'm not sure which is worse either. Regardless, instead of the sensible option of a many bladed razor I went back to my old stubble providing fallback. The hair clippers.

I was ready to hop in the shower at the time so there I was, beer in one hand, hair clippers in the other, merrily grinding the beard away from my face. No problem here, oh no; everything went fine in this regard. It was after I'd finished with my face that some bastard thought slipped into my head.

"Hey," it whispered into my mind. "Why not trim your bollocks whilst you're at it?"

I glanced down warily, considered it for a moment, and figured I'd just go with it. Because putting a large electrical appliance which is made to cut things even remotely near your genitals is, let's face it, a completely safe option. It's quite hard to cut yourself with a pair of hair clippers.

However, if your hair clippers are the type that plug into the wall, you may notice after a while of use that they can get quite hot. You may also notice that your testicles are slightly more sensitive to heat than the rest of your body. You will notice this because you will burn yourself on a piece of hot hair clipper, and may make a little noise of surprise and pain whilst dropping the clippers.

The pain, I might add, was not too great. It was more shock.

Hurt like fuck when the clippers landed pointy end down on my foot and chewed into it though.
( gone, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 13:36, 3 replies)

Beware of the voices! *click*

(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 13:53, closed)

But Cunto
did you finish the job?

Hello matey!
(*qmf, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 14:37, closed)

Fuck me sideways, I didn't expect to see you here.
Of course I finished the job, shitnipples.
( gone, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:15, closed)