I have a hangover so I went to the corner shop and bought some bacon.
It's not smoked because I'm not a prick.
And it's proper streaky because I'm not a prick.
I'm not going to cook it until it's crisper than frazzles because I'm not a fucking prick.

Pricks.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 10:34, 24 replies)

Stick it up your arse.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 10:34, closed)

Sheds.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 10:34, closed)

Streaky bacon?
Prick
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 10:47, closed)

Are you one of those feminized bacon-hating pricks who thinks that rindless flaccid back bacon is bacon?
You poor fuck.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 11:21, closed)

Hey it's not my fault if you don't know what real bacon is

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 12:55, closed)

I hope you're a girl.
If you're a man then this might be the most tragic bit of internet that has ever happened in the history of the internet on the internet.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 14:08, closed)

Did you die?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 11:09, closed)

Yes.
Until the bacon was properly inserted into my rectum. Then I got better. It was awesome. I've made a charity CD about it.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 11:20, closed)

Me and my baconenema...?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 13:32, closed)

I'd buy it.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 14:32, closed)

Death by bacon, noblest of deaths.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 0:15, closed)

What is the point of unsmoked bacon?
If you don't like cured meat, don't by bacon.
As for streaky, I like to look down on the Yankees for believing that it is a suitable breakfast food.
Honestly, I hope you did shove it up your arse, but you probably lubed it with ketchup, instead of brown sauce, thus avoiding any spicy stinging sensations. You utter fucking pussy. I lack the words to describe how you sicken me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 21:18, closed)

Bacon is fatback or pork belly cured with salt.
That's what bacon is. That lean fake-smokey shit is the bacon equivalent of primula cheese. It's bacon for people who don't like the taste of bacon or are scared of fat.

Women and cunts. Or women with cunts.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 21:23, closed)

Less of the crass misogyny, sunshine.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 21:29, closed)

Fuck off, lezzer.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 21:30, closed)

Smoked bacon that's actually been smoked, not just injected with liquid smoke,
and has a rind (the eating of which is optional, but it's reassuring to see that my children will nick that which my mother-in-law trims off hers). Actual steaky bacon is for cooking with, but not eating for itself.

Oh look, everyone, the internet is arguing about bacon. If anyone wants me, I'll be perusing geocities.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 21:55, closed)

Muslim.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 23:19, closed)

Excellent comeback.
Allahu akbar.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 9:49, closed)

So you're an American baconista eh?
That's acceptable though, them thar Merkins know their bacon and streaky "green" bacon is good shit if cured well.
Smoking though, you're missing out if you haven't had good bacon actually smoked over apple wood, oak chips or even corn cobs- it's fucking amazing.

Even Walmart (in Canada), those purveyors of cheap shit from China are now selling premium apple wood smoked streaky bacon from the USA which is a total delight and will probably clog my arteries and kill me.

edit
Prick
/edit
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 0:13, closed)

I have my own smoker.
And american bacon is shit.

Apart from that, I agree with every word you said.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 7:41, closed)

Agreed your bacon buying/cooking/eating doesn't make you a prick
it's being a massive bellend that does that for you
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 14:13, closed)

being a massive bellend would only make him part of a prick.
prick
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 14:45, closed)

hah! XD
you have outwitted me with your cockspertise
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 14:55, closed)

Crispy?
Don't like the taste of bacon much then?
(dchurch bah, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 14:17, closed)