Waiting for the results...
One morning, setting off in the car, I happened to catch sight of myself in the mirror, and was rather startled to see that my eyes were a vivid shade of yellow where they would normally be white. Now I know that can mean something rather serious - hepatitis.

I was abroad, visiting my wife's family at the time, and they couldn't have been more supportive - whisking me off to a private clinic for immediate tests, then setting me up in bed to rest, with food and drink served at my slightest whim, while we anxiously waited for the results.

As I lay there, I pondered the pivotal nature of this moment. My life may well be taking a different path from now on. I knew that the most likely forms of hepatitis were manageable, but even so, it was going to change things for me completely. Still, I felt calm about it, probably because I was surrounded by caring, supportive family.

Until the results came in, showing negative for anything life-changing. I found myself unceremoniously kicked out of bed, the beers vanished, and it was apparently my turn to do the washing up.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 12:43, 16 replies)

Your family gave you beer while you had hepatitis? They were obviously trying to kill you.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 13:24, closed)

^^this^^
exactly what I thought

'lets poison his already poisoned liver'
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 14:15, closed)

Hm, you make a good point. I remember beer, but it may not have been.
On the other hand, they were Brazilians, who tend to regard beer as similar to water...!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 16:29, closed)

A friend of mine went to a conference..
in one of the eastern block ex USSR countries. They were handing out large glasses of the local spirit at breakfast time. Facing a day of scientific lectures he decided to pass and asked one of the waiting staff for a soft drink ...they returned with a beer.
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 18 Dec 2012, 9:43, closed)

was it jaundice?
my doctor knew i had jaundice, but wouldn't make a housecall. the terrified looks of everyone on the bus as my mum got on, towing a bright yellow daughter behind her, were hysterical
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 14:39, closed)

We don't normally do home visits for children because
a) their parents can usually bring them to the surgery and

b) it's easier to examine people in a surgery with all the proper equipment to hand, particularly if you're looking at rashes and need good lighting.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 14:43, closed)

didn't really bother me
but my mum had a fucking hairy fit
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 14:45, closed)

Did the doctor examine that as well?
*beats the rush......*
(the_icks has the sweet essence of giraffe, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 15:04, closed)

pff

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 15:06, closed)

"Eyes like piss-holes in the snow"
is a medical condition, now?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 15:36, closed)

so wait, was it your liver or did you varnish your eyeballs yellow for attention?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 15:51, closed)

The doc said it was a "Bilirubin spike"
Usually caused by excessive red meat consumption. Which is odd, since I don't eat meat.

I think it's basically DoctorSpeak for "Haven't got a scooby".
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 16:30, closed)

Probably viral hepatitis.
Plenty of bugs can do it. Last one I saw was EBV.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 16:41, closed)

NFN?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 16:42, closed)

Normal For Norfolk?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 18 Dec 2012, 19:30, closed)

I love it when you talk dirty.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 17 Dec 2012, 18:37, closed)