I was eight years old...
When I was seven years old my parents split up. Although they went to parents evenings together and could be in the same room together they didn't discuss a great amount between them. I discovered this the first Christmas they split up. I was asked separately by both my Mum and Dad what I wanted for Christmas. As a 7 year old with recently separated parents it didn't enter my head that they would be purchasing the presents in isolation so I gave them both the same answer:

Wet Wet Wet's Greatest Hits
Cluedo
And a Slinky

For Christmas I got two copies of Wet Wet Wet's Greatest Hits, Two games of Cluedo and two slinkies.

It was this discovery that lead to the lie. My Mum was always extremely careful with allowing me medicines. I have asthma so cough syrup was forbidden. I was also a child with a permanent cold and was quite used to standing in the pharmacy while my Mum chose an appropriate remedy. I desperately wanted a Vicks inhaler but my Mum quickly poo pooed that idea because it was "too strong" and could affect my asthma. The fact that I wasn't allowed this Vicks inhaler meant that the fantasticness of the Vicks inhaler grew to gargantuan proportions and I was DESPERATE to get one.

One weekend when my Dad came to pick me up for the day I had one of my usual colds. My Dad said he would take me to the pharmacy; once inside I saw my opportunity whilst my Dad was inexpertly browsing cold medicines suitable for children. I picked up the Vicks Inhaler and held it out to my Dad.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I began to feel a bit sick. I couldn't believe I was going to try and pull this lie off. My tongue was cleaved to the roof of my mouth and I attempted to say in a casual manner whilst blushing furiously:

"Mum says that this is the best thing...."

My lie hung dangerously in the air for a few seconds as my Dad scowled at the packet. I thought he was going to twig that I was lying, I could hear my heart beating faster and faster.

After an eternity he said "OK then" seemingly relieved of being excused the burden of choosing the cold remedy. As we left the shop and he passed me the little paper pharmacy bag containing my prize of Vicks inhaler I allowed myself a little secret smile of glee at having illictly gained a Vicks Inhaler. I opened it, inserted into my nostril and sniffed. My excitement at having got my hands on it made up the for fact that it really wasn't as incredible as I'd hoped and just smelt like menthol.

Still, that didn't stop me having it perpetually stuck up my nose. The following day as I packed my overnight bag I carefully secreted the Vicks Inhaler in a pair of clean knickers (I don't know why but it seemed like a good idea at the time), when my Dad dropped me off my heart started pounding on the approach to my Mum's house in case my Dad felt it necessary to tell my Mum what he's purchased. Fortunately he just dropped me at the door and left.

HURRAH!!

I kept my Vicks inhaler in my bedside cabinet and sniffed it to my hearts content for about 3 weeks until the thrill of the methol smell had worn off. I felt slightly cheated that the Vicks Inhaler hadn't changed my life quite as I'd hoped. Then I forgot about it and my LIE.

A week or so later my Mum and Dad decided to have one of their faux friendly catch ups and to my horror I heard my Dad say "How's Fireyfox's cold been since I got her that Vicks Inhaler?"

I prayed the earth would open up in front of me. I suddenly felt like my tea was about to make a sudden reappearance on the carpet. "What?" asked my Mum immediately turning to look at me with a quizzical expression. I was clearly looking as guilty as a puppy next to a pile of poo, that combined with my Mum’s knowledge of my wheedling for one whenever we were in the pharmacy meant she immediately realised what I’d done.

I got up and fled upstairs and hid behind the door. My parents soon followed and convinced me to come out and they gave me a real telling off, I think I might have even got a wallop on the bottom. I cried. For years afterwards whenever the subject of someone being naughty came up in conversation in company both of my parents would tell everyone of my LIE about the Vicks Inhaler and I would feel ashamed.

I still can't walk past a Vicks Inhaler without shuddering.
(Fireyfox is prepared to change, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 18:57, 8 replies)

I thought the reveal was going to be...
...that your mum put her hand in your underwear drawer and thought you'd hidden a vibrator in your knickers.

Anyway, you get a click 'cos you've brought back memories of me wanting a slinky for Christmas (must've been about 1983-4, I remember they were suddenly all the rage.)
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 19:14, closed)

Ha ha!!
My Mum knew I could be a devious little shit but having a vibrator at the tender age of eight might just have pushed her over the edge :D
(Fireyfox is prepared to change, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 19:21, closed)

I admit to thinking along those lines when you said you "shudder" every time you see them.
Easy insert tip?
( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 19:28, closed)

What was said about the fact that you used it for a week with no ill effects?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 20:12, closed)

i was too far in the wrong...
to ever ask. However that was never mentioned... I don't think I even noticed at the time. I wasn't allowed to do a variety of seemingly innocuous as a child without reason. It just WAS.


*ponders*
(Fireyfox is prepared to change, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 20:35, closed)

So let me get this straight...
You where 8 years old when you were 7 years old?
(Dr Fishfinger Want's to see a fat man give a tit wank, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 23:47, closed)

Parents split up when she was 7, story takes place when she was 8. Simple.

(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Wed 18 Aug 2010, 23:56, closed)

Correct!

(Fireyfox is prepared to change, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 10:45, closed)