I have no fucking idea about football
Like, I suspect, most of the other denizens of this 'ere board, I spent every football "game" in goal instead of being the team's star striker. I was shit at the game and, moreover, had no interest in becoming any less shit at it. My classmates seemed content to spend most of their time chasing that off-white leather bag at the other end of the pitch, which suited me. I got to spend an hour each week leaning against a metal pole and daydreaming about birds and sky, much like Fotherington-Tomas.

During one memorable game my team was a bit crap and let the ball cross to my side of the centre line, instead of keeping it at the other end of the pitch where it belonged. The defenders were nowhere to be seen, so the ball rolled towards me. Seizing my opportunity to execute a heroic save, and make a name for myself as not being completely crap at football, I ran forwards and picked up the ball. The sadistic bastard cunt PE teacher immediately awarded a penalty to the other team.

How the fuck was I supposed to know that the goalie's only allowed to use his hands within a defined area? What's the fucking point of being goalie unless you can pick up the ball at any time and place of your choosing? It's not like anyone took the time to explain the rules of the game to me. What, was I supposed to absorb the rules by osmosis, like the chav vermin with whom I was forced to associate every week?

Fucking stupid game. I hated it. And the miserable cunt of a teacher who made us play it. It was the same cunt of a teacher who disallowed my one and only rugby try (Yes! I scored a try!) because apparently he'd blown the final whistle some 15 seconds before my scrawny, 90-lb. frame crossed the touch line, and I hadn't heard it.

Cunt.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 18:00, 5 replies)

Free Kick surely?

(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 18:17, closed)

Like I wrote, I have no fucking idea about football.
And don't call me Shirley.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 18:19, closed)

Correct
And this is ANOTHER example of why we need to bring in video technology NOW!
(Zutroy started without you, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 3:50, closed)

Heh...
Very good...

*applauds*
( snee held his breath since, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 9:45, closed)

More understandable than my similar mistake
How was I supposed to know that it still counted as a goal if the goalie steps back over the line while holding the ball?
(xanthine, Sun 22 Nov 2009, 23:14, closed)