Have a sports related pearoast
At School
there were two girls in our class, one called Sophie Titwank and the other called Nicola Tipbank. We always used to refer to Nicola as "Soapy" because she was always really clean.

As in regularly washed, sexually she was as depraved as a Spaniard after six bottles of Rioja , there was one time when she let this guy do her up the arse while she sung "Girls and Boys" by Blur, and then she squatted over him and crapped on his chest once he was done. Like I said, filthy.

But I digress. The incident in question occurred during our fifth year. It was the inter-tutor football finals and my class had made it through. I was the team captain, and in order to make sure everyone got involved, you had to field a new team for each game.

So I was out on the pitch with the class in front of me, and each captain would call out the name of the person they wanted, and that would your team. Now I reckon you can guess what happened to me, and you'd be right.

You see I meant to call out Sophie Titwank, cause she was ace in goal, but instead I shouted out "I want Soapy Tipbank" and got Nicola instead. And she was crap in goal as she normally played left wing.

And we lost 7-2. I was gutted.

Still, we all had fun, and afterwards old Soapy let me finger her round by the bike sheds while she sucked off Jonny Deacon. Good times them, good times.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:07, 42 replies)

i like breasts

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:13, closed)

HOLY SHIT YOU LIKE BREASTS?

( weaver., Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:16, closed)

i like breasts

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:28, closed)

You seem like a very angry young man
think you could do with chillin out a bit.
(Keyman, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:16, closed)

Off topic
Why don't you stay there and put the world to rights like you usually do? I'm thinking of a word. It sounds a bit like runt.
(Lizard King, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:21, closed)

HOLY SHIT!!!!!
'Breasts' sounds a bit like 'runt'!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:26, closed)

i like breasts
 
( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:27, closed)

Blurrrrrgghghghnannnnnnnndnnnnnannnnnflurgggggggghhhhhh
You 'eard.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:29, closed)

Oh man, I didn't realise Offtopic were pesecuted here like talk is on offtopic.
Is this how it goes?

/board looks down on everyone, because they have tallent.
/links are unemployed and can watch videos with sound at work
/qotw are "GOOD ALL-ROUNDED INDVIDUALS WITH POTENTIAL PERSONAL PROBLEMS"
/talk are a big bunch of bullys
/offtopic are a bunch of pussy who can't post on /talk for all the flaiming, and have day-jobs so can't go on such a fast moving board.

I'm not entirely sure, I could be wrong, please feel free to correct me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:30, closed)

Come on Gonz
lets go back to OT...

*creeps into the shadows*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:32, closed)

Oh baby, I've longed to hear those words all my life.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:33, closed)

You love it you saucy
minx
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:34, closed)

Damn straight skippy.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:38, closed)

Hmmm
If you read that post above of mine again you'll notice I didn't lump in everyone on off topic. Just this Al person. He comes across as a bully. I don't like bullies. Stick up for him all you like, couldn't give a shit. I've read what he posts and Im sure he's not like that in real life. But on here Al = Bully. Plain. Simple. Don't get your knickers in a twist over it, mate.
(Lizard King, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:34, closed)

by all means confront him when/if he is being a bully
but all he did here was post something for the qotw.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:37, closed)

Now now Vipros
let's not have you trying to defend me, I am an awful penis and you know that only too well.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:38, closed)

You are an awful penis
or you have an awful penis... or both?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:41, closed)

both, clearly

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:41, closed)

Micropenis, more like

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:54, closed)

that is pretty awful

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:56, closed)

OH YEAH, HOW DO YOU KNOW?
This 'maturity forum' we've got going on here is pretty smart, eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:58, closed)

I saw a programme about it on Channel 4
indeed it is. Btw, the Cornwall bash is the saturday following that Airbourne gig.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 17:01, closed)

What are the implications of that?
I'm sure I'm being a frightful dimwit here, sorry.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 17:08, closed)

I don't know
other than it'd mean I wouldn't have to take the friday off afterwards with it already being a bank holiday.

however it will also mean that travel is more difficult
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 17:09, closed)

I encourage you to come up for it
Much japery will ensue.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 17:13, closed)

I will give it due consideration over the next fortnight
taking into account timings of stuff (my mrs is taking a very hard exam around that time and will either want my moral support, or will want me to fuck off) and the cost of stuff.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 17:18, closed)

as previous, ticket will be free
and I'll help with *cough* other costs, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 17:20, closed)

again, a most generous offer
my intake would be slight though, aside from the occasional dabble, I stick mostly to the green stuff.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 17:24, closed)

Excellent, you're a cheap date

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 17:40, closed)

Haha, looser, gutted.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:38, closed)

Yawn
King of fucking wit we have here. Not going to bother reading anymore of this. We're all quite opinionated on here, so it seems. I've got my opinion, you've got yours so lets call it quits. But if you scan the type of bile he comes out with on several different subjects and aimed at several different people anyone with any sense would say its bullying, and not even very sophisticated bullying at that. Now have your say. I'll let you finish this one. Sure that'll make you feel like a big man.
(Lizard King, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:42, closed)

This isn't the place for this discussion
but please do pull me up if you think i'm bullying someone.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:44, closed)

fucking hell
why must so many people insist on announcing their departure from an argument saying they aren't reading any more, and that whoever it is they are arguing with is immature?

regardless of what the subject, trying to get across that you have the moral high ground in a "I have no time for this nonsense, it's beneath me" way just makes you look like a stuck-up idiot who has run out of ideas.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:47, closed)

Well, if he's really not paying attention any more...
ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS
BADGERFLAPS BADGERFLAPS BADGERFLAPS BADGERFLAPS BADGERFLAPS
ANUS WITH BREASTS

Ah, it's great fun being as witty as me sometimes...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:51, closed)

I think badgerflaps is going to be my new expletive of choice

( Bazongaloid, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:52, closed)

I'm trying to pin down when exactly badgers became so humorous
I think it was some time between June 1998 and August 1999.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:58, closed)

I think they've always been faintly amusing
Try turning to the person next to you and saying to them, "SMELLY BADGER," in a stern voice. Now imagine whether that would have made you laugh before the interweb deemed them universally hilarious.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 17:03, closed)

I don't think it was the internet
I distinctly remember saying "Aye, that's the badger!" being a hilarious way of saying "that's right" or "that's it" before any wide spread internet-based badger humour
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 17:08, closed)

I heard it used in rural parts as a term for minge
'Show us your badger' in a Hampshire brogue is highly amusing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 17:42, closed)

Hehe
You're insanity prawn boy! Hurrah!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:52, closed)

I agree
all he does is put me down
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:44, closed)

'He's the best, arrrround, all he ever does is put us down'

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 24 Nov 2009, 16:47, closed)