Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please!
Actually, I don't drink lager, but...

In response to the Urban Badger's post below – the pub drinker’s point of view. Before I go offending any bar staff out there, can I just say that most of you are OK (a bit like most of us punters are OK). But, in accordance with the law of averages, some are lazy, good for nothing, ignorant and arrogant bastards. Much like a minority of punters.

Balance struck? Good.

*Engages grumpy middle aged man mode*

For me, what makes a good bar person is someone who is constantly on the watch and mentally noting who’s at the bar, and who is next to be served. On far too many occasions I’ve been stood at a bar, patiently waiting to be served, and found myself being simply ignored by the staff. This is despite me waving a tenner in the air, making eye contact as often as possible and shouting “Excuse me” above the din of music being played which is usually far too loud. And yet still I’m ignored. But what REALLY fucking bugs me is when someone comes to the bar AFTER me, and yet is served first because either:
• The bar staff are predominantly blokes and the customer who has just come in is wearing a skimpy outfit and has big tits;
• The bar staff are predominantly young woman, and the girl who has just come in is a mate they haven’t seen for a couple of hours, therefore this is a good time to serve them and have a 10 minute chat while the rest of the clientele dies of thirst;
• The bar staff are predominantly young woman and a ‘fit’ bloke has just come in and there’s a race to serve him, get his phone number and hopefully bag him at the end of the night, or;
• The bar staff in general are ignorant little cunts who really couldn’t give a shit about the job and are there purely because it’s “like having a night out but you get paid for it and you can have a laff and stuff, innit?”

And another thing. Punters. You’re a bunch of self centred arse biscuits as well sometimes. I regard myself as being pretty well mannered. If a bar person asks me what I want to drink, and the guy standing next to me was there before I was, I always say “Him first, then me”. However, I rarely find myself on the receiving end of such courtesy – maybe I’m a mug for remaining the polite person that I am. On one occasion I did this, the barman served the bloke next to me and then fucked off to the other end of the bar to serve someone else. I’d only been waiting for 15 minutes

I left.

This seems to happen in big pub/clubs rather than the more traditional type of drinking den. I have two or three bars I would regard as ‘locals’. One in particular has its die hard regulars and you can set your watch by what time each one comes in. The landlord has glasses set up under the pumps ready for them and is constantly on the watch for customers coming in, or whether they are just about finished there drink, whereupon another glass is produced in readiness. This isn’t a quiet pub either, this can get quite busy even through the week.

THAT’S a good barman.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 2 May 2008, 10:40, 11 replies)

I think you forgot one that usually happens to me when being served...
The person that comes to the bar after you decides that they're more important, pushes the way to the front and then makes themself so visible that the bar(wo)man believes them to be next in queue.

Or it's possibly just something that happens with me as I'll usually be very distracted checking out the women behind the bar and probably look extremely distracted and in my own world.
(Belgaer is, Fri 2 May 2008, 10:47, closed)

Damn^
Yes, that too.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 2 May 2008, 10:51, closed)

Dude...
have you been drinking in the Crown Posada in Newcastle? Awesome session pub with top ale (and plinky-plonk jazz - not everyone's taste but it is mine), always a great welcome from the landlord.

also, the Sun Inn is under-going something of a resurgence now that Dave is back in charge. You won't suffer as a punter in either of the above.

*appreciates that this message means nowt to most but doesn't care*

**appreciates saying "Dude" probabaly irritates most people on this board today**
(i anglepoise, Fri 2 May 2008, 10:52, closed)

Cheers matey
Yep, Crown Possada is an awesome pub. And glad to heare that the Sun has gone back to normal. Myself and the sweary one should really get up sometime.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 2 May 2008, 10:55, closed)

@ DG
That too the the checking out of women behind the bar, or having people cut the queue? :P
(Belgaer is, Fri 2 May 2008, 10:59, closed)

DG said
GET UP

*sniggers like Mutley*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:04, closed)

Belgaer
The latter...

I have to say that or Tourette's would kill me
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 2 May 2008, 11:14, closed)

I'm with you on this one.
I used to be a barmaid and used to always try and observe the order in which people arrived at the bar and serve them accordingly. These days the ignorant twunts just seem to serve whoever is closest to them or whoever are there pals. And that is AFTER they have finished their conversation with the other bar staff friends first! I too always say to serve someone before me if they have been waiting longer but this just seems to piss off barstaff and put you at the very back of the queue. Shop assistants are just as bloody bad! Hhmmmppfff!
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:21, closed)

When I worked in a bar
We were taught to always be mentally numbering the order in which we should serve punters, according to how they'd be there. It wasn't hard to put them into a memorable order. Also, the regulars knew that, if it was a bit busy, they could just wait patiently and we'd get them their usual as soon as we could, and take it over to their table.

If I get to the bar, and get served before someone who's obviously been there longer than me, I always ask the barperson to serve them first. Generally I'll get a curt grunt of thanks at most, but at Koko a few weeks back, this girl had been waiting for ages, been pushed in front of loads, and was incredibly grateful that I'd gotten her served first. It's always nice when people appreciate you.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:44, closed)

BobFossil
Very true, which is why I always do it. I have found myself having a go at a bar person for not serving me when I was patently first. I've had someone have a go on behalf of me too. Doesn't happen very often, as I have an inordinate level of patience. However, when my fuse goes, it goes big style.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 2 May 2008, 11:56, closed)

Naming and shaming
the cunting Lock Tavern in Camden

I've not been there for a couple of years (because of this very reason) but some of my friends used to think it was cool to drink there, and every fucking time it would go something like:

emvee walks up to bar.
emvee is only person at bar.
there are three people behind bar.
one is stacking glasses.
one is "managing".
one is staring blankly into space, being too goddamn fucking cool to serve anyone, or chatting to the "manager".
emvee loses his rag and starts jumping up and down, waving arms and money, shouting "Hello! Hello! Am I fucking invisible? I'd like a fucking drink sometime this century!"
ten to fifteen minutes later, one of the staff deigns to serve emvee a drink.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sat 3 May 2008, 13:10, closed)