Confessions of a Grumpy Git:
I'm afraid this one won't hit a nerve with everyone - but it might if you live in or near a city, so here goes:

1) The Tube (or similar) - £110 a month and it never works properly? I can't help but feel I'm being ripped off somewhere.

2) Still in the same vein... When you're traveling home, and the train is pretty well empty so you've positioned yourself by the glass screen for a good leaning and reading position, why does the next person to get on stand right next to you? There's a whole train to choose from, go away!

3) Talking of personal space: Guys, when stood at urinals there's an unspoken rule that if there's more than one free, don't choose the one that's right next to another guy. It's weird. Unless you're the sort of guy who likes to compare willies with other men.

4) Management Speak. Dear lord, save us from the bastards. This is a form of communication which enables people who have nothing worthwhile to say to talk for hours on end without saying anything. So "Anybody got any ideas regarding the Stevenson account?" becomes "What I'd like to do now is initiate a brainstorming session; you know, a kind of open forum where we can all think outside of the box a little bit, perhaps change our initial perceptions as far as the business strategy of the client is concerned. We really need to push the envelope here guys, and fun-da-mentally map out the footprint of where this project is going. Thoughts?"

5) If I hold a door open for you, please say thank you. I'm not being patronising, I'm not even trying to be chivalrous, I'm just trying to stop the big heavy glass door smashing in to your face and breaking your nose. Please don't look at me like I'm something the cat dragged in.

I think that might be enough to be going on with. I'm a grumpy old man trapped in the lithe and sophisticated body of a 28 year old.

Shit.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 2 May 2008, 12:41, 3 replies)

Oh dear Christ
Coporate bullshit-speak.
*Touching base* FFS! You want to feel my arse?

I believe "brainstorming" has been replaced with "thought showers", in case the former might be offensive to epileptics.

Fuck-fuck-fuckity.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 2 May 2008, 12:51, closed)

Sure I saw it here...
..."brainstorming" has been replaced with "thought bukkake".
(CaptainParalytic, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:53, closed)

"thought bukkake"
that's a brilliant phrase. I will try and fit that into conversation somewhere.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:40, closed)