Tourists
They walk, oh ... so ... sloooowwwwly ... YES, you're on holiday. How nice. I have to work as an au pair to get a freakin' Italian holiday. Kiss my Aussie arse and get the fuck out of my way.

Three abreast on the footpath, the entire contents of a tourist bus walking slowly, stopping suddenly to point at things that actually aren't that interesting, and forcing me to almost be run-over by mopeds and other buses full of slow, fat tourists who annoy the shit out of me and force me onto the road, causing a never-ending cycle of tourist-hatred ...

Milling about on corners like a fat flock of sheep, so that I can't get past and have to stand, waiting, because if I go on the road ... well, see the first paragraph.

Then glaring and tutting at me because I have a smoke in my hand. FUCK OFF.

I've been a tourist many a time. I walk at a brisk manner, so that I can actually see a few things each day, instead of spending 90% of my day strolling along one street and then spending all my money in tourist-trap souvenir shops.

Stop having screamingly loud conversations via Skype next to me in the web cafe.

Stop thinking you're having an Authentico Italiano Experienza because you paid 6 Euro for a coffee and managed to see one thing in town for 5 minutes before ambling at snail's pace back to the tourist bus and FUCKING OFF like you should've done BEFORE annoying me.

GRRR!

Double amount of venom goes for the Yank frat-boy-types, who look and sound like wankers and are mostly wiggas, and definitely virgins, who call each other, "Bra," instead of, "Bro," (or, "Fucking Yank wankstain cunt,") and who say crude things about my tits because they think I'm Italian and can't understand.

Then whimper and apologise and suddenly lose the Fiddy Cunt Cent accent long enough call me, "Ma'am," and possibly pee their pants after I turn around and spew well-crafted, sweary insults at them in a mock-Steve Irwin-strong Aussie 'Strine' accent that makes them think I wrestle crocodiles and will cut their lips off with a broken Fosters bottle.

(Actually, they most probably think I'm a wanker and\or batshit crazy and laugh at me after I walk away. Oh well.)

FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING FUCKS.
(Celerydemon, Sun 4 May 2008, 16:52, 5 replies)

There were shed loads of american tourists
in Lanark last year, gawping at the statue of Robert the Bruce in the main street. I couldn't help walking past them and saying, in my loudest and most flamboyant American accent, "Gee I really like this Scotchland, it sure is the nicest city in England I've seen".
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sun 4 May 2008, 17:12, closed)

Amusing
As I passed a group of American 'fratboys' in Monterosso on the Ligurian coast, one of them said "Geez, they made these cliffs look just like the ones in Helm's Deep (Lord of the Rings city)"

Oh, how hard I had to restrain myself from nutting him OFF the cliff.
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Mon 5 May 2008, 1:35, closed)

You're in Siena aren't you?
Or else you're me a year ago. Or both.
( Maladicta, Mon 5 May 2008, 2:05, closed)

Not Siena ...
Palermo. There don't seem to be that many "frat bra's" around, which decreases my chances to silently mock them and get sweary at them.
The majority of the tourists sound German. They're the slow ones, I assume too full of bratwursts and beer or whatever the Jerries eat.
(Celerydemon, Mon 5 May 2008, 10:10, closed)

Palermo?
I never got to Sicily but I've heard it's amazing... and the way it's going, don't worry about the frat bra's - the Mafia will sort them out if they get ideas above their station!

The majority of the tourists in Siena were English people visiting to take home a million bottles of Chianti and maybe the deeds to a little crumbling farmhouse, or Germans, or Americans, or Japanese; irrespective of where they were from they all had the equally annoying habit of stopping right in front of you to look at the buildings/scratch their balls/take a photo of a gargoyle 100 feet above them, for which they needed to put all 20 zoom lenses on the DSLR camera... infuriating when you have an exam to get to and the streets are as wide as a gnat's mimsy.
( Maladicta, Mon 5 May 2008, 15:39, closed)