Novel
I could write a novel on my pet peeves. Perhaps I'm a bitter person. But they irritate me none the less.
Here are just a few.

Spelling and grammar mistakes: It's/its, you're/your, (fairly self-explanatory I feel), should/could of instead of have, wierd instead of weird, different to instead of different from. How hard is it to look these things up in a dictionary? There's no excuse for making those mistakes. It just makes you look like an arse.

Misuse of the word irony. Irony means a different outcome to what was previously expected, normally at the expense of the person who expected such an outcome. People who hear the Alanis Morrissette song and think they know what irony is make me laugh. How is getting a black fly in your Chardonnay ironic? Annoying, yes. Ironic, no.

People using their mobile phones on public transport, in particular when playing loud chavvy speed-garage or bragging about the night before. No-one wants to hear about how many disease-ridden and desperate women you slept with, or how much tequila you had before throwing up in a shop doorway. And don't start singing crappy 'choons' down the phone to your mates either.

The Daily Mail. I know I'm not alone here, but every article they publish is littered with hyperbole, as well as strong 'Nationalistic' sentiments. Anyone who wants a laugh at their expense should check out the Daily Mail random headline generator. I don't have a link, but google it.

Adverts for stupid placebo yoghurts designed to help 'digestive discomfort'. Just fucking fart! Or eat some dried apricots if you're that desperate. The women all look really gormless too. Other adverts that irritate me are shampoo adverts, furniture store adverts, and adverts for products easing constipation/diarrhoea. Especially the last one. If you have diarrhoea, see a doctor for crying out loud! And it just puts me off whatever I might have eaten. None of these adverts have anything like a sense of humour.

Women with beards. Shave your chin! Or pluck it, or something. I have to shave every day, so should you.

Protesters who hold up placards saying 'death to freedom of speech'. Just plain stupid.

Terrorists. I hate every one of them. I long for a day when no-one tries to blow stuff up, or commit mass acts of murder, just because the victims have somehow unwittingly fallen foul of whatever archaic religious code you happen to believe in. And they all look so ugly. It must be the evil that corrupts their faces.

4x4s. Quite a common complaint, but unless you live on a farm, you don't need it. And the people who drive them are such arses. Really arrogant, inconsiderate pricks. Think they own the road.

Newspeak. Information cascades, thought showers, any politically correct language. What was wrong with the last set of vocab? Ok, I'm not the sort to complain about not being able to use the 'N' word, but 'urban refuse collective' in place of dustman? Come on.

Cheese graters. There's something about the little holes. Makes my hair stand on end.

People not indicating when they turn a corner in their cars. The number of times I've nearly been flattened is unbelievable.

Most teenagers. Ever since I've stopped being one, I seem to have developed a distaste for teenage fashions, clubs frequented by teenagers, 'scene' magazines and music, and shows like Hollyoaks aimed at teenagers. Maybe I'm getting old and wizened, but I'm only 23.

I think I should leave it there, but I will post occasional ones, should they so crop up.

Length? Don't get me started...
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Mon 5 May 2008, 0:06, 4 replies)

I turn twenty this Thursday
I'm already celebrating the fact I will no longer be a teen and can associate myself now hopefully with a smarter bunch of twats. Hoorah!
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Mon 5 May 2008, 1:39, closed)

it's not mine, but a good alternative
in fact, I think it might belong to a fellow B3tan, but next time you need to propose a 'thought shower', try suggesting 'an idea bukkake' instead
(pounana Slept well, and dreamed of large women, on, Mon 5 May 2008, 8:38, closed)

Idea bukkake
Fucking brilliant!

If there was an 'I like this' option for replies, then, well, you get the point.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Mon 5 May 2008, 10:21, closed)

As Ed Byrne said
"The only thing that's ironic about that song is that it's written by someone with no sense of irony!"
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Mon 5 May 2008, 20:43, closed)