Before any of you cunts mention festival security....
If you hurt yourselves or trash anything, we have to fill out paperwork. Lots of fucking paperwork. When you're working 16 hour shifts for five days straight and sleeping less than five hours per night in a tent, you hate paperwork even more.

We want you to enjoy yourselves and have fun, it improves the weekend for us when you do, but you don't have to be a tit to enjoy yourselves. Especially when it means us having to complete fucking paperwork.
( Muns, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 16:12, 15 replies)

LIES!
Everyone knows that festival plod can't read or write.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 27 Mar 2014, 16:15, closed)

^Minimum wage ex-con

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 16:16, closed)

Shut up, fascist.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 16:24, closed)

But what about all the perks you get?
Like groping passed out (pre)teenage girls as you escort them to safety?
(LetsGetDownToIt, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 16:42, closed)

And cleaning the bogs I just had a massive, messy burrito shit in.
I say in. I mean around.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 16:47, closed)

Thankfully, the shit wagons are nothing to do with security.
Unless someone passes out in them, or if some wag glues a large black dildo to the door, so when it shuts it pokes you in the arse.
( Muns, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 17:00, closed)

Hahaha, brilliant.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 17:12, closed)

evil genius

(squigbobble existed, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 17:29, closed)

shurrup, hitler

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 16:44, closed)

I'm thinking of that time I found a large folding straight razor on the ground at Glasto
Wanting to do the right thing, I handed it in to festival security. Their reaction was enough to make me wish I'd actually waited until I found a real policeman who wasn't a fucking chav, thrilled to the tits to get his hands on an offensive weapon all of his very own.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 17:10, closed)

you deserve all you get for referring to it as 'Glasto'.
actually, you deserve AIDS but that's beside the point.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 21:57, closed)

Festival "security" are always too busy searching our bags for affordable booze to actually secure anything
Well, from what I've seen.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 20:16, closed)

apart from bestival.
Where the only time they've ever said anything is 'no you've got to hide it'. I hid it behind my arm.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 29 Mar 2014, 9:53, closed)

Yeh, I now feel sorry for the security guard that smacked me round the head with a maglite as I lit a cigarette
because he thought I was about to set fire to something. Its a hard fucking life for them.
( Peej, Fri 28 Mar 2014, 8:38, closed)

That's just someone being a cunt.
Mind if I ask which festival? I expect that the reply will either be Glastonbury, Leeds or Reading as they're generally staffed by pricks.
( Muns, Fri 28 Mar 2014, 9:09, closed)