Fake Vegetarians
really piss me off. My theory on the matter is that in a society obsessed with image, many people (mainly women) feel that they have to make themselves appear like a careful eater, lest they be thought of as "a bloater", which is fair enough I suppose. However, I've found that when people say "I'm a vegetarian" they really mean "I don't like to eat red meat because it makes me come across as a fat knacker". If you're a vegetarian, you don't fucking eat meat - at all. You can't logically be a veggie and say "yeah but I eat fish, and sometimes chicken, and gosh darn it, bacon sandwiches are just so yummy...". Vegetarians by definition don't eat any type of meat.

(deep breath) A fine example of this was when a friend came over to our flat and proceeded to tell us what an ardent vegetarian she was. After a few drinks and us being students, I got up to take orders for a Subway run. When it came to her, what did she want?

A fucking meatball marinara.

For those that don't know, Subway is a chain of fast-food restaurants that do a variety of sandwiches with the meat and/or salad fillings of your choice. As the title suggests, 'meatball marinara' is a delicious medley of orbs of dirty minced up offal and salad (if you ask for any).

It took a while to explain to this bird that meatballs had meat in them and therefore she wasn't a bloody veggie.

In conclusion, someone should come up with a separate appellation, because the majority of people who claim they are 'vegetarian' just mean 'don't want to appear lardy'. Real vegetarians must get REALLY pissed off about it (which I myself am not - I just get annoyed at people's horrible lies).

Thanks for listening. I'm off for a wank to calm myself down.
(Hammer Time, Sat 3 Mar 2007, 15:59, Reply)