This is a hard question to answer..
..Because Im so terrible at getting someone to dump me. I just can't act like an asshole to save my life. But sadly I have realised that the girl that I am with isnt the right girl for me. Infact I'm still living with such girl!

You see it all started after the split with my ex. Some may remember the story on previous QOTWs with my ex Kelly who had a baby and I pretty much became "dad". For her then to start cheating on me messing about on MSN. Leading me to moving to Spain.

So here I am in Spain, on a serious rebound trip. When I met a new girl. Ashley for thats her name. A lovely South African girl. She was different, because I had never met any South Africans before and as a result she was really interesting.

So I went on a serious drive to win her over. Which I did eventually after much effort on my half. And there we were, all loved up again. The girl of my dreams. She was amazing.

Her brother went back home to South Africa and her mum moved in with her boyfriend leading her to need a place for herself... Well why not come live with me!? Of course. Yeah.

Sadly it was all too soon. 3 months into a relationship and the fun and spark of a new love suddenly died down and we were like an old couple. And that was it, it was almost overnight. Suddenly I didnt want to be with her anymore in that way. I realised she wasnt the girl for me. We barely had anything in common and many evenings spent us both tapping away on our laptops not talking to each other.

So came the heartbreaking breakup. Heartbreaking for me because the poor lass hadnt really done anything wrong. She wasnt posessive, she made an effort with all my friends and people generally liked her. But for some reason it just didnt feel right anymore. This isnt the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. There was just that connection missing. I realised I really didnt love her in the way that I should love a girl.

I hated having to tell her that it wasnt working out. She was rather distraught. But then came the hardest part.

Because her mum was gone and her brother had gone. She really had no where to go. And she wasnt bringing in enough money herself to get her own place. Infact as she works for herself, some weeks she has no money other weeks she does. Theres a load of complications surrounding that which I wont go into here. But basically she can't just go out there and find a job like everyone else.

So, I just didnt have the heart to kick her out. Instead she moved into the spare room and became my flat mate.

And 9 months later she is still here. I love her company still, its nice not coming home to an empty house and she does all the housework and stuff.. But shes still here. A big chat with my best mate does kinda make you reailse. What the hell is going on here?

And before anyone thinks, shes not a fuck buddy. We dont have any intimate moments. Bar the odd cuddle up on the sofa infront of the TV which is nice. But we're just friends. She does respect the place. Shes not after another guy and she hasnt brought anyone else back here.

There hasnt exactly been a line a girls or me, so bringing new girls back hasnt been an issue yet.

But its just awful having to be a bastard to someone who hasnt done anything wrong themselves. Part of me does want. to move on with life. I have been single for 9 months, but with nothing on the horizon there hasnt been any motivation to make Ashley move on. So I guess our arrangement has ended up just becoming a habit.


And do you know the worse bit about all this? This isnt the first time i've done this either. My first girlfriend.. umm what shall I call her on here? err. Julia. The story about her is far more unreal. Because she did bring new partners back, who stayed for months at a time. And lets just say these new partners wern't even guys. But thats another story for another QOTW.

I wanna see Ashley all settled and sorted out. But as my friend pointed out, she has been living here for nearly a year and its time she was sorted. And just so you know. There are a number of other complications surrounding Ashley which arent her fault which has seriously inhibited her in getting sorted out. Otherwise im sure she would have been by now.

Im too soft. I dont like being horrible to people who I care about.
(Miggyman, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 20:02, 6 replies)

Ew! dilemma.
Could you not help her out with a loan or something to get her her own place or house share with someone else.

Surely she must see the problem with your living arrangements as much as you do.

The longer is goes on then the worse it may get.
( girlinthehole, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 20:24, closed)

^^ what the girls said
she has to take more responsibility for herself. If there are "weeks she has no money" then presumably you're supporting her. That's not fair on you.

Sorry to sound hard on her, but you're obviously a nice guy - maybe too nice. What if the right girl does come along for you? She's unlikely to be happy with the "ex-girlfriend is my lodger" scenario ...
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 5 Jun 2008, 21:11, closed)

^^I think all the above replies have the right idea
And I think if you still feel bad about dumping after she's "done nothing wrong," well, you may find a lot of women who are perfectly nice, but just aren't compatible with you 'in that way.' To be honest, you've been less of a bastard for breaking it off after you realised this, as opposed to pretending it was alright until things got too involved. It's unfortunate that the accommodation arrangements make it so awkward.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 7:58, closed)

I've been in a similar situation
I moved in with my ex after three months of fun whirlwind dating as my flatmate and I hated our other flatmate, then this amazing cheap but gorgeous flat came up so we all moved in together. We became way too used to each other too soon and were soon like an old married couple as well. It lasted almost five years, but really should have ended after three as there was no spark anymore.

He ended up staying in the spare room as it didn't feel right both of us sharing a bed anymore, then three months later I moved back with my parents as I couldn't afford my own place. We spoke on the phone a lot over the next few months and became really good friends again, but we don't see each other as we tried that and it just felt weird.

If I were in your situation I would sit her down and ask her what she wants from life, does she really want to be there and ask how you can help her to get where she wants to be. Doesn't have to be financially, just as a friend, but I don't think it's healthy for either of you living together anymore.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:37, closed)

Know the feeling...
...I'm stuck with ex-partner, we get on OK and live in a great place which neither of us could afford on our own.

Separate rooms etc. sex would seem weird, still rather live on my own though.

I don't see you as too soft, just because you don't love somone doesn't mean you have to be a git to them.
( FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Mon 9 Jun 2008, 13:39, closed)