My first internet love
When I first got on the interwebs I was a very outgoing person keen to chat to everyone that popped up on my ICQ. And being a massive nerd, I'd stay up all night chatting to various people around the world. Life was good.

Now I quickly need to explain. I live in Australia. Through no fault of my own. This means my day = night in the US. And my night = day in the US. Simple.

One day I start chatting to this girl from the US. She's all goofy and hot for my Aussie accent and we ended up swapping phone numbers after a few weeks so we could talk. (This is many years before skype and other such services).
All was good until she starting asking me when I was coming to visit the states and her. I told her from the outset, no way. I was a young man living at home working in a news agency so international travel was out.
She seemed to be cool with that, but never let the subject drop and eventually it was the main topic of her calls.

So being the gent I am. I stop taking her calls and put her on ignore. I think since we didn't touch rude bits or confess undying love it would be ok. We didn't even talk about the g/f b/g thing.

But he kept ringing me. Sometimes at 4am in the morning. When I told her that it was a bit early to call, she made a point to do it. So I just unplugged the phone before sleeping.

Eventually the calls stopped and I didn't hear from her for many months. Then one day I got a call from her. She told me that my dumping of her caused her to break down and she tried to kill herself. It was all my fault and I was a asshole to that (I love how Americans say asshole. It's so cute). She then spent the next few minutes abusing me.

Then it hit me. The best way to fuck her off.

"Hey, you know how you love my accent so much?"
"Yeah"
"Then how about this GARN GIT FARKED!"

And hung up. Never heard from her again.

The End.

ps: this is my b3ta cherry popped. Hello English people!

No apologies for length as I have a very small penis.
(ZGeek, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 7:02, 6 replies)

Fair dinkum cobber
Ya should have added "Ya fuckin' mole" at the end of that for the added Aussieness/insult.
(danthegpi, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 8:30, closed)

Welcome to B3ta
Garn git farked!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 8:59, closed)

What about
the Scottish people? Do we not get a hello too? :(
(Teran Thinks Pogonophobia is funny, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 10:49, closed)

.. and then muttered
ya flamin galaar! under your breath as you hung up.
(Miggyman, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 11:21, closed)

and chucked in..
don't come the raw prawn with me!..

for good measure.
(misshotlips, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 12:05, closed)

GARN GIT FARKED...
*So off topic*

Probably an urban moth... The Ghan is one of those epic trains of the world, and it runs between Adelaide and Darwin - a 2 or 3 day adventure. The company was looking to rename it as "Ghan" isn't very Aussie. So the Northern Territory and South Australia governments put it out there - rename the train!

"Ghan get fucked" was the overwhelming competition entry

I hope this is true
( Strangey is present at, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 12:50, closed)