When an Evian bottle does not do the job...
Not me, but my brother - he deserves the credit for this corker.

He had been out clubbing, got very drunk and pulled an equally drunk lass. They went back to hers, and get down to it.

Sometime during business, bro needs to void his bladder, but when going to the bathroom, finds that the door-handle has fallen apart and he is unable to open the door. Non-plussed, he finds an empty Evian bottle, makes use of it, and tips now steaming, yellow contents out of the window, and gets back to work.

A few minutes later, she needs to void her bladder. Bigger problem. She isn't going to use the Evain bottle, so they have to get the door open somehow.

Plan B: They made some noise. Hammering on the walls, shouting, turning the stereo up to full volume, but none of her housemates were stirring.

Plan C: Through the window. It doesn't open the right way to get 18 stone of brother through. Lady is getting desparate, so she smashes the window with a desk lamp. Bro climbs out of the window on the first floor (American: second floor), and moves to front of house and starts hammering on one of her housemates' windows.

Now, picture the scene: A fat bloke, in his boxers, hammering on a ground-floor window. There is broken glass and strong smell of piss...

Two squad cars pull up.

Police: Do you live here sir?
Bro: No.
Police: Do you know someone who lives here?
Bro: Yes - I pulled a girl and am staying with her.
Police: I see. What is this girls name then?
Bro: ....errr....
(lardaholics anonymous, Thu 22 Sep 2005, 12:45, Reply)