Loads of police stories
Rather prescient that a question on the police should come up this week....My dad retired from the police force about 14 years ago and sadly passed away last week. It's rather nice to be able to put a lot of his funny stories down.
This one I told before in 2007.

My Dad is was a Scot but lived down South and served in the local force.

One morning my Dad had gone into work and was called down to the cells where the custody officer was a fellow Scot.

Apparently a drunk had been brought in overnight and now the custody office decided he was going to teach the drunk a lesson....

My Dad and the CO go to the door of the drunk cell which is open and a very forlorn young man sits on the edge of the 'bed' (they didn't have a bed, it was a step with a mattress on it so if the drunk fell out of bed he wouldn't hurt himself - see, British policemen *are* considerate! Mind you, they would probably thump him later...). So there he sits, head in hands muttering about never drinking again - yep, we've all been there.

He looks up at the two officers, "Where am I?" he asks,
"A long way from home pal" says the CO in a broad Scots accent.
"Eh?" replies confused drunk,
"You're in Glasgow Central"

The drunk denies this and insists that it's impossible for him to have been out drinking in Kent last night but this morning to be nearly 500 miles way in Glasgow, Scotland. He insists that the policeman is having a laugh....

The CO turns to my Dad, "Tell him"
"Glasgow Central pal. How'd you get up here?" answers my Scots father.

The drunk begins to look horrified.
"You're 'avin' a laugh!" he still refuses to believe....

So now the police begin to get really evil....
"Hang on a moment pal."
My Dad disappears into the corridor and finds another uniformed officer...who just happens to be a fellow Scot....."Tell this joker where he is"

The large policeman puts his head around the door, looks slightly quizzically at the drunk and then says, "D'ye no ken y'rin Glasgow Central?"

At this point the drunk began to shake his head and tears appeared in his eyes, "My wife is going to kill me!"

The policemen offered no sympathy with his plight, they were hard even, refusing to agree to his pleas for some sort of help to buy a train ticket, or even allow him a phone call home. Instead they kicked him out of the police station onto the mean streets of Whitstable, Kent.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 9 May 2011, 12:41, 12 replies)

brilliant
click
( rofl harris, Mon 9 May 2011, 12:58, closed)

Excellent...
...I clicked this one first time around and I'm clicking it again!
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Mon 9 May 2011, 13:16, closed)

He he he!
This is excellent! *click*
( splorp ®, Mon 9 May 2011, 13:41, closed)

Good story
click plus
sorry to hear about your dad.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:37, closed)

*coffeelols*
Sorry about your dad.
(nolongernuts, Mon 9 May 2011, 15:09, closed)

WIN !
Lovely stuff.
Sorry about losing your dad, he must have been a giggke if there's more stories like this to tell!
(Fausted Sticking his faust where the sun don't shine, Mon 9 May 2011, 17:15, closed)

excellent story, sorry about your dad.
My FiL is an ex-copper, been retired a good while now; my Dad died in '99, I often think of him, especially now whilst I'm helping my Mum clearout & downsize. Hope you & rest of family are looking out for one another & telling stories like these.
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Mon 9 May 2011, 17:37, closed)

*clicks*

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 9 May 2011, 17:40, closed)

Excellent story, but...
Glaswegians would never use the word 'ken'. That's more of an east coast thing. In Glasgow they say 'know'.

Still worth a click though.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 9 May 2011, 18:38, closed)

My dad was from Stirling
but now you mention it, none of the Glasgow branch of the family say 'ken', but those from Stirling do.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 9 May 2011, 19:51, closed)

Like a fine wine
this one gets better with age. Or should that be like a fine whisky?

In any event, consider yourself enclickened.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 9 May 2011, 22:35, closed)

*Clicks* to you Chickenlady
and *clicks* to your Dad too.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 10 May 2011, 11:05, closed)