Wrong name wrong place.
Picture the scene. It is 2009 in Sheffield and it's my mates 21st. This coupled with the fact that we were also in our last week of University meant that much alcohol was going to be imbibed.

Following a truly magnificent effort to break my personal best of 9 quadruple vodka and diet coke's in Corporation Nightclub, no mean feat with any Vodka but attempted suicide with the gut rot vodka you got from there.

I can barely manage to stand but in my inebriated fashion decide that drinking more is the only way to go. We all start making our way back towards the the house in Broomhill. En route we pass several pubs and as is the want of drunken students we decide to "liberate" copious amounts of street furniture. Amongst the collection of signs and cones we swiped we also managed to get several empty beer barrels from the back of the pub.

As you walk back towards Broomhill from the City Centre you pass the rather nice Weston Park. We all decide that we should recreate Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling in the park using the beer barrels as a suitable substitute to the cheese.

We managed a couple of rounds of shenanigans before the Gendarmes appeared. Now in a flash the entire crowd barring my friend and I disappear like the extras in a Paul Daniels show. The police are not exactly pleased to find us arsing about inside a locked park. We are invited to join them in the back of the car along with the two barrels. We explain the situation and the coppers take pity upon us.

Officer: "Ok lads, you're not in any major trouble just tell us where you nicked the barrels from we can drive you round there drop them off and then you can fuck off home"

Me: "We found them at the back of the pub by the Students Union."

Officer "Ok we'll drop you off there and you can then bugger off"

As the car pulls up the Officers walk us back round to the pub where we nicked the barrels.

Then it happened;

Officer "Ok lads because we have stopped you and had you in the car we just need some details. It wont go any further but its just for admin sake. Whats your names?"

I give the officer my name and address and then it suddenly dawns on me what's about to happen.

Officer (turning to my mate) "What's your name?"

Mate: "Gene Hunt".

Now this was his genuine name but he had no identification on him having lost his wallet while moshing to some rock based nonsense earlier in the evening.

Obviously Monsieur Plod was not overly pleased with this perceived sleight to his good nature and repeated his question this time with a more aggressive slant. Again my friend responded with his name. This went on for several minutes by which time the officer had developed something of a nervous twitch as this insolent young man continued (he believed) to blatantly take the piss.

We both were arrested for giving false names to an Officer. We were taken down to West Bar Police Station and sat there while Dibble phoned my mates Mum. This being 3am she was not overly pleased to be woken and was really rather miffed that we had both been nicked. SHe did however confirm my friends name.

Before they let us go though the arresting officer took a photo of my mate stood next to the white board on the wall in the custody suite. Upon which can clearly be seen the now legendary line "Cell 3 Gene Hunt"
(kickstandrich last had sex with your mum/sister/wife/daughter on, Mon 9 May 2011, 19:16, 5 replies)

could have been worse
at least his name isn't mike
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 9 May 2011, 19:51, closed)

I always wonder about people with "clever" names by deed poll.
I'm sure they're a lot more likely to be convicted of something than your average person due to them having to at least prove their identity.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 9 May 2011, 20:33, closed)

I changed my name by deed poll
I changed it to something totally anonymous and ordinary, though my original plan included both "Elvis" and "Jesus" in there. I've not regretted leaving those elements out, ever.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 9 May 2011, 20:37, closed)

I think a middle name could be done.
Perhaps something like "Fred Marvellous Smith", since you generally only have to give the first and surnames to law enforcement, etc.. Could be a fucker to travel with though, I suppose -- the passport control guys always look like they're looking for some entertainment.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 9 May 2011, 20:44, closed)

Plod must have been having an off-day.
They don't normally let anyone off with a bollocking for stealing beer kegs, and don't differentiate between Student Wankers and Thieving Pikeys.
Not so long ago, certain breweries were offering £500 reward for info leading to conviction of barrel thieves, losses due to the scrap value are a major problem.
(Rsoles, Wed 11 May 2011, 0:27, closed)