Disgusting again....
I have mentioned my friend before who likes to inform me of every disgusting and grimacing detail of his life....

I have many stories from this guy, in fact, I'm sure if I thought about it I could relate at least one disgraceful thing he has told me to all the QOTW's....

This is a story he told me of how putting things off, being complacent, a bit disgusting and a bit lazy can land you in trouble.

He used to go out with a girl, and let's just say I fucking hated her. He used to be with her all the time, and always used to stay at her house. He had mentioned before that if he needed a shit at her house he would try and hold it in as long as possible, as despite being open with his mates, he was quite shy around her, and in particular her parents house.

Anyway, one Saturday he is staying at hers, he's has been putting a shit off for ages, and ages and ages, before he can't hold it no longer, so he has gone to the toilet to relieve himself. Not to make her think he has had a shit he has rushed it as quick as possible, didn't wipe his arse properly as he is always to lazy to wipe his arse if he know's he's going in the shower, besides, he tells me it felt like a 'ghosty'. He then runs down the stairs and is in the back in the same time it takes to finish a piss.

They carry on watching tv when she decides to give him a bit of a surprise. The surprise being she starts tugging his trousers down to give him a blow job. He thinks nothing of it, gladly letting her give him head till the point he probably blows a load in her mouth as she was a bit of a slut if i recall. So he pulls his trousers back up and carries on watching tv.

Anyway, match of the day comes on and his mrs decides she dont want to watch it so she asks him to bed and he obliges. Well, he does until he turns back to see an eight inch long shit stain on her white linen sofa. As she has been giving him a blow job he has slowly been wiping his unwashed arse crack on the white sofa. He said he has never been so horrified so quickly diverts her attention and tells her he is gonna watch the goals and be up in ten. She grunts at him and says ok.

Off she trots to bed and my mate apparently had to get his toothbrush out on the stain and was there for 40 mins before he gave in and turned the cushion over.

The next week he visited her again as he did every saturday to find her parents had bought a brand b=new leather sofa and didnt say another word on the subject
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Tue 18 Nov 2008, 20:40, 8 replies)

I have to ask..
"ghosty"?
(man_d is being watched by experts on, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 21:43, closed)

you know when.....
you think you don't need to wipe your arse cus it's kinda slipped out without leaving any excess?
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Tue 18 Nov 2008, 21:50, closed)

Who's toothbrush?
I hope he threw it in the bin
(i should have joined myspace, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 22:21, closed)

Why?
Why would he try to pretend in front of his girlfriend that he never shat?
I mean, what would be the harm in doing so?

Was their relationship based upon some bizarre assumption on her part that he was The Man Who Never Shits? And if she ever found out that he was, after all, human - then she'd dump him?
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 23:28, closed)

Why
did she feel bad about him having a shit but not about giving him a blow job?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 19 Nov 2008, 10:01, closed)

Sounds to me as if
he said "I rushed it to pretend I wasn't having a shit" to cover up the fact that he is a dirty bastard who can't wipe his own arse properly
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 11:19, closed)

I'm
going to tell me mate to use that one...

it is a mate, honest!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 11:34, closed)

2nd
really? who has a shit, and doesn't wipe their ass? That's just wrong - even if he is going into a shower afterwards.
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 11:46, closed)