Architects
I work in the construction industry and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the profession that I hate more than any other is that of Architect. My experiences with this profession can mostly be summarised under the following headings:

The Skyhook

This well used expression could not be more applicable to the Architect, while drafting their fabulous schemes of award winning design there is often a shocking failure to consider how such structures are to be physically constructed, commonly used phrases are “we’ll just get the builder to sort that out on site” or the ever popular “If I can draw it, then you should be able to build it.” We have to spend a disproportionate amount of time taking architects designs and making changes until they can actually be built.

The Persona

In order to demonstrate this point I shall be using a case study, you may or may not be familiar with Mr. George Clark, presenter of Channel 4 programmes The Home Show and The Restoration Man and of course, architect extraordinaire. Anyone who has actually seen these programmes can simply skip to the next section as they surely can not be in any doubt as to the point which I am about to discuss. The man is a complete bell end. He rocks up to people’s houses and paints the whole thing white in order to waste money and demonstrate his amazing architectural visions and then upon receiving a cheque of the property owner’s life savings with which to carry out the works, he subsequently complains about he won’t be able to achieve his amazing architectural visions with such a pittance. He also drives a Range Rover.

Don’t get me started on Kevin McCloud, someone who isn’t an architect but pretends to be one?!!

The Fees

Perhaps the most annoying thing about the breed is of course the money, they get paid a lot. Astonishingly they also seem to have somehow wangled it that they often get paid before the building has been built, what’s that all about?

Length? Well it takes 8 years to complete an Architectural degree, one can only assume most of this time is spent learning how to drink heavily and brownnose with clients.

(They might be annoying but I watch every episode of Grand Designs, The Home show and The Restoration man religiously)
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Thu 27 May 2010, 14:14, 13 replies)

yes!
I studied Architecture at university.

After my 3 years I had my BA hons degree and an utter hatred of architects. Turns out I like architecture, just not architects.

So I decided to go out and get a job instead of spending another 2 years doing an MA and 2 years in penny pinching apprentice servitude.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 27 May 2010, 14:41, closed)

I love Kevin...
He is the god of Home Programs.

George Clark however should be disembowelled and have his eyes burnt out whilst being raped by a Rhino. I have never witnessed such a vile, self-interested arsehole. Whoever allowed him on television should be shot.
(Nightviolet, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:15, closed)

I think thats about
on the money. Fucking funny to watch though, ever notice how not one of his 'insightful' planning applications have been approved on The Restoration Man?
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:31, closed)

Yes, those lovely plans
That he struggles to draw with a thick black marker that a paraplegic downs child would be ashamed of.
(Nightviolet, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:36, closed)

A thousand times this
What a spacktard.
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:58, closed)

I absolutely LOVE this post :)
Despite the user name, I'm an Architectural Technologist and not (and have no desire to be whatsoever!) an Architect. I have worked for a few, all but one of which has had the self same ambition to create their statement on what a building should be, and not what the Client actually wants. And you're spot on about the fanciful designs that struggle to 'work' without extensive input from technologists, engineers etc. This being said, I love Kevin, his enthusiasm, coupled together with the slightly more mature approach the program takes at a building project, makes up for the 'architect-lite' qualities he has.

/incidentally, how did the planning app. go for the 'cock and balls' service yard?
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:17, closed)

The client withdrew the application
mainly I feel because they noticed my genius design tweaks, but I did hear something at the time that there were a few other small reasons, something about not being able to afford the estimated 25m redevelopment costs.
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:34, closed)

haha :)

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:03, closed)

I am..
also an engineer, but took the decision to go into nuclear, oil and gas which was largely swayed by not having to work with the vermonous cock bags. Tosspots the lot of them.
(Is this it like eggs but better, Thu 27 May 2010, 21:38, closed)

Don't get me started on Architects
and their lack of willingness to man up to their post-contract admin responsiblilties after the "fun" of designing the thing is over.

Still, you can always spot the Architect in site meetings. They seem to love living up to their own stereotypes.


This very afternoon one of them bored me semi-catatonic in a design talk-through. After he'd left the room, there was -as always - much shrugging of shoulders and wtf'ing among the client reps.



I'll never forget the job where an Architect though he could tender on three drawings, no spec and no bills (fair enough on the last one, I suppose). Tenders all came back arounhd 2.5 times what he'd told the client to expect. The only person confused by this was the Architect.

Among many, many things he had a chimney resting on a suspended timber floor, for God's sake...
(dxg, Thu 27 May 2010, 22:16, closed)

This post had me
nodding to every point, all of that sounds just like my experiences with this wonderful species.
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:56, closed)

I'm with you on this one
As an ex Quantity Surveyor I've spent far to much time being caught between a client who has a budget and an Architect who has a "vision."

Of course, it was always my fault things didn't get built...
(Rev O'Lucian will unfortunatly age on, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:02, closed)

How dare you sir...
say anything against Kevin McCloud.
That man is a paragon of, well, something.
Did not know he was not an architect though.
(W3BOPLASTY, Sun 30 May 2010, 4:10, closed)