Vets
Me: “Hello Vet, my wiener dog is all weird and scabby. I was wondering if you could maybe make him less scabby, as he is getting scabs all over my lovely new sofa and I worry I’m going to accidentally get one in my eye and that is kind-of gross. Also, I once found a hairy scab near my delicious dinner, which is rather remarkable because my dinner was on the table and my dog is only 3 inches tall with hops like a rock. BUT STILL.”

Vet: Poke, anal prod, poke, passing glance at dachshund scabs.

Wiener dog: “I like touching dead things with my tongue when you’re not looking and having ANGRY FUN WITH MY FACE! I like windows and napfarts all down your neck and shitting on the floor while you’re pretending to be middle class! I hate you.”

Vet: “I diagnose scabbery. Here, poor person with questionable taste in dogs, have some amazing anti-scab shampoo made of sparkly angels, the hypothetical massive scalar elementary Higgs-boson particle and Obama Hope. That’ll be £140.”

Me: “You fucking what!?”

So I paid it, because I have to, otherwise I look like a dog abuser. Also, I love my dog because he looks funny and he is well cute when he’s asleep.

He still has scabs.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 12:12, 25 replies)

that's a good shampoo that one
you got a bargain
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 12:24, closed)

Well.
I only needed enough for a dachshund. They don't require as much pulverised Ten Commandments tablet (1-5 for the minor scab cases, 6-10 for the more serious scabs) shampoo 'cause they've got no legs, innit.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 12:29, closed)

Are you sure you haven't just got a snake?
It would explain the dry skin.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 12:33, closed)

I'd ask my vet for genetic tests.
But he'd probably charge me £9,000.

Which might be what it actually costs. I'm not sure, as I tend not to make genetic test demands of my pets.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 12:42, closed)

Test him yourself
Put him in a room with a snake, dim lights / candles, soft music, and see if they make little snakes.

If, instead, he ends up deaded, he probably wasn't a snake. Or he tried to get to second base too soon.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 12:47, closed)

scabs
always = fleas. I treat all scabby dogs for fleas without question. The best bit is; the owners always bleat about how their fluffums could never, ever in a million years have fleas and "its NOT fleas". Fine,I say, I'll make it more complicated for you if you want, but the truth is that 95% of all skin disease that walks through the surgery door IS fleas. I can't quite understand why clients want it to be something other than fleas,as that will always be more expensive and hard work to sort out. That is why the dog having allergy bloods and skin biopsies this morning will leave with a bill of £500 most of which I will have to pass on to the diagnostic labs.

Hairy scab on the table - Fleas... how more obvious do you want it? It got really bad with the mother-in-law where she refused to believe me until they were jumping into the cup-of-tea when we visited on a Sunday.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:24, closed)

No.
Fungus.

Fungus -greater than- fleas.

How much more obvious do you want it?

But thanks. No, really. Your incorrect diagnosis heartens me.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 13:47, closed)

He's a vet
You're not.

He's offering free advice based off of his experience as a vet.

What's wrong with you?
(Toucan - http://www.titmonday.com, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 16:13, closed)

He's been to the vet.
The vet looked at him. The vet made a diagnosis.

That diagnosis was not fleas.

Had the vet who offered free advice not been such an utter prick about a comedy post, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 17:00, closed)

But
Your dog still has scabs.

So your vet was wrong.
(Toucan - http://www.titmonday.com, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 10:15, closed)

Because
I only started the treatment three days ago.

Edit: Is there any particular reason why I should trust your opinion above all else? Is there any reason why you persist in some (frankly, odd) line to prove me wrong? Otherwise, what is wrong with you?

P.S. IT WAS A COMEDY POST.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 11:18, closed)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dermatophytosis
The treatment must continue for 3-8 weeks, so I would imagine that, by the third day, not much has happened.

Unless you know better, of course.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 11:33, closed)

^ this ^
what Toucan said.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 16:18, closed)

What I said before.
The dog has a diagnosis. The vet who offered free advice was wrong, and an asshole to boot.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 17:01, closed)

If.....
you dog has squits (liquid pooh) it probably is fleas. Fleas carry worms, dog eats fleas and digests worms. Besides why do you want to get him fixed, everyone I know loves a wee scabby dog. Sounds like your vet is charging over the odds though. I thought my vet was expensive, until they sent me a sorry your cats dead card for my last cat that got run over, and it wasn't even them who dealt with the squishy mess that remained of basil.
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 16:48, closed)

I'm in a bad mood, defective
Cheer me up.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 17:02, closed)

Right, people.
The dog went to the vet. The vet said that he had a fungal infection. he has a diagnosis. It is not fleas.

So despite the 'free' advice, said advice was wrong. So some person who has never looked at my dog offers an incorrect diagnosis and I'm supposed to take it as fact?

I came on b3ta to make a funny about it, and now we're all being arseholes.

LOOK WHAT B3TA DOES TO US. I think it is the result of being too close to /talk.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 17:07, closed)

No
You're not meant to take it as fact, you are meant to take it as advice, something to take into consideration.

You made no mention of a specific diagnosis more than 'scabbery' (which I liked by the way) in the original post, so I guess the guy thought he could help by giving some suggestions.

I'm sure if you had disclosed that the diagnosis was more specific they guy wouldn't have made a suggestion.

People can be nice you know...
(stubbledchin, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 17:22, closed)

I shouldn't...
...take a bad day out on the Internet.

I should have mentioned it; it was in the draft. Then I decided that it didn't fit the flow of the missive. I didn't expect anybody to make any sort of deal out of it. I didn't expect said person to do it with (perceived) aggression.

My fault.

I am sorry, The Internet, for being a dick.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 17:57, closed)

Before all else...
I am sorry for not taking your suggestion as just what it was.

In the end, learning your dog is turning to fungus is much worse than fleas. Dogs get fleas, but something in the same class as mushrooms (devil's piles, if you ask me) is much worse.

I'd imagine I wouldn't have to give the poor mite a daily bath (the devil's piss, if you ask him) if he had a flea infestation.

Now, let's turn our hate to evil users...
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 18:27, closed)

Now
Just to complicate things - If it is indeed "ringworm (dermatophytosis)" then that can cause scabs but the only official diagnosis is actually by culture and that takes at least 2 weeks. You make no note of this actually happening in any way. I would say that it is quite a leap to diagnose dermatophytosis by visual assessment alone. However, if it is "Malassezia", a fungus-like commensal organism, then this is more likely to be secondary to some other skin problem (I'll not give any suggestions 'cos you wont like what I would like to say next). I'm not going to apologise for making comments about fleas as that all still stands and if I actually gave a stuff about what people thought about me then I perhaps might feel a twinge, but I dont so I wont. Block or ignore me, care I? nah. I find this place just as petty and bitchy as any other "internet forum", perhaps more so. I dont usually last long with any of them, as ever you all take it far too "seriously" and perhaps need to "get a life" - I'm off to lurk somewhere else. No-one will care and I certainly wont. Bye.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 22:36, closed)

The UV test was positive.
The culture was positive. Would you like the number of my vet? The copy of the insurance papers?

I never thought that I needed to footnote and timeline a B3TA post.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 7:33, closed)

Also, people are only petty and bitchy in reaction.
Stop being a dick and people might be nice.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 7:35, closed)

Vets and teachers
Be nice to the Snark she is lovely.

Remember that internet forums do not have the benefit of intonation, as such, its probably better to air on the side of caution when deciding upon your rant. This QOTW is a bunch of crap if you ask me? Ask people what they hate and they will be motivated by malice and prejudice, ask people what they like and their responses are motivated by affection and reflection.
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 9:26, closed)

A while ago our kitty needed to go to the vet
Got into a fight (we assume) and ended up with a badly wounded ear. $250 to get the wound cleaned, stitched up and treated with antibiotics and painkillers, which I paid without hesitation. They made us an appointment for a follow-up a few days later that they assured me wouldn't cost anything. My fiancee took him in, the vet looked him over, prodded him a bit, deemed and healthy and demanded $30. Now, she didn't have that kind of cash on her, so she asked if she could start an account and pay it the next week, especially since we'd dropped a few hundred earlier without batting an eye.
"I'm sorry, we don't do that here."
Nevermind that there were a few signs up around the office directed at "people with accounts here". Nevermind that it was only fucking $30. Nevermind that we were told it would be free. CUNTS! Shan't be going back, and shall be telling everyone else to follow suit.
(ElGranto, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 1:44, closed)