My mate Dave
was on a bus with a mate of his. Sitting in front of a couple of 'attractive' chavettes, they were party to their every word (every other word of which was 'fuck', or a variation of). Dave and his mate were trying to chat, but were repeatedly distracted by the stream of badly constructed obscenities, interspersed with the odd proper word, like chips, or kebabs.

They were hooked. It was like their very own mini Big-Brother, with 'ordinary' people laying their souls bare for the whole bus to be party to.

Then chavette #1 piped up, "Ah wuz wiv wor lad last neet, it were lush. W' had a proppa sesh, like, an' ah lerrim howk aal owa me chebs".*

Dave an his mate were both pissing themselves by this point, whereupon his mate turned around and said, "You let him howk all over your chebs? That's really classy".

Chavette just glared at him, probably not fully understanding that the phrase 'classy' was meant in a derogatory way.

Gotta love public transport sometimes.

*Translation: I was with my fella last night. We had a lovely time and as a token of my love for him, I let him spill his seed upon my breasts.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 30 May 2008, 14:06, 9 replies)

I think
the phrase heaving bosom should have been used instead of breasts. Just gives it that slightly more Cartlandesque feel.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 30 May 2008, 14:27, closed)

^ Dammit al
You're absolutely right. Never mind.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 30 May 2008, 14:28, closed)

similar
one of my 'favourites' shamelessly pinched from newcastlestuff.com :

"I RECENTLY MOVED from the Toon to Vancouver, and a friend e-mailed your web address to allow me to reminisce about home.
I have a story about charvas, although I'm not sure it is for publication, but it may make you laugh in private.
A friend of mine moved up from Halifax to do his PhD at Newcastle University. When he first moved here, he didn't know the good areas or bad areas - and so rented a flat in Byker.
One night, late on, he was on the bus back home when two drunken lasses got on the bus and sat behind him.
In stage whispers they proceeded to tell each other about their respective sex lives with their latest blokes.
The highlight of the conversation, and the most shocking revelation on a bus to date, was an insightful remark by one of the "young ladies" about anal sex.
Turning to her friend who had asked, "if it hurt", she replied: "whey nah, a bit of butter and it gans in lush".
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Fri 30 May 2008, 15:00, closed)

Thanks for the translation....
..as in some dialects the word 'howk' may be interpreted as vomit...which is about the only thing that would make this story any worse! Click anyway.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 30 May 2008, 15:03, closed)

Chebs
god I fucking love that word. click
(Mr.Dog was in love again on, Fri 30 May 2008, 15:14, closed)

Brilliant
Like the above, you get bonus clicks for the translation into English.

I for one am very gratified that the lower orders of society get to enjoy the tender art of lovemaking in such a beautifully unselfish fashion.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 30 May 2008, 15:40, closed)

"You let him howk all over your chebs? That's really classy".
But you guys are middle class and you howk all over your middle class lady's chebs all the time. That's really classy...
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Sat 31 May 2008, 2:29, closed)

Ah,
You assume that we're middle class and that's what we do... I'm actually an aristocrat, and so utterly fucking decadent and rolling in money that I get my manservant to do it for me...*


*May actually be a lie
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 3 Jun 2008, 22:28, closed)