Snarf
.
Seeing that I've spent a huge proportion of my waking adult life in pubs (working away from home is a bitch) you'd think that I'd have loads of stories about pub life. Well I do - but I've posted most of the best of them on B3ta before. So I'll tell you about Snarf.

Snarf was the big, daft lovable Alsatian that used to live in my local back home in the village. I knew Snarf from when he was a pup, when Uncle Fester, the landlord, first got him. As I used to do all of the pubs computer and technical work, Snarf knew me well. I used to fight with him, first as a pup, then as a full grown dog. I'd slap him a few times. He'd growl ,bark and jump at me biting me with just enough force to leave marks but not enough to hurt. We got on.

Then I walked in the pub one day and Fester looked at me with a lugubrious expression.

"What's up Fester" I asked.

"My dog's gay" he said.

"What?" I exclaimed "How do you know that?"

"Cos he loves the cock" grunted Fester

Then he left the bar and came back a minute later with a dried bulls penis. You can buy them at pet stores.

"Watch this" he said and threw the bulls penis to Snarf.

"Look at him" said Fester disgustedly.

To be honest, he had a point. Snarf was slobbering all over the cock, nibbling the end gently and sucking what juices he could glean from the now glistening phallus. Then again, when he grabbed the end in his side teeth and shattered it with a mighty crunch, I think he still had some technique to work on before he'd be welcome in the gay doggie community.

There was one more bit of evidence that Snarf was Gay. Me.

Since I used to fight with him when he was a pup, Snarf always liked me coming in the pub. Probably about one week out of three he'd catch me off guard.I'd be standing, or sitting at the bar when he'd sneak up behind me and bite me, hard, on the arse and then bounce around the room, barking joyfully:

"Got you! Got you! Got you on the arse!!"

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 11:47, 1 reply)

How I wish I hadn't been...
Biting into a sandwich as I read this...

:|
( snee held his breath since, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:34, closed)