Just plain wrong...
I was in the pub on a busy friday night sitting at my table while my mate had buggered off for a fag when two girls came over and asked if they could sit down, seeing as there was only one seat and they were of the minging variety I said no sorry and thought no more of it.

Later in the night I went to queue at the bar and found myself behind those girls again, I made small talk about finding seats or whatever when some guy, about 50 or so puts his aram round me and give me a massive squeeze! Surprised I look round and he screams in my ear,
"So is this the fucking queue or what?!"

Now obviously I and these girls were becoming slightly worried so I proceeded to explain to the gentleman that indeed this was the queue. He wasn't impressed at this and took a moment to himself looking between the 3 of us in a confused manner before saying.
"You know what you should do Dave(not my name) you and Tina here (gesturing to one of the girls, also not her name) should get together and Fuck!"

....
Puzzled looks all round

"Actually fuck it why don't you get Diane (not her name) here in on the act to, HAVE A FUCKING THREESOME!"
By this point he was screaming at us and was making everyone look(yay)

Now these girls obviously thought we were some father and son pervy double act and were less then impressed at our chosen method of trying to pull. Diane went on to explain that she was preggers which did not impress my new wingman. He went on to accuse them of being "One of them mardy lezzer couples" who "both needed a good kicking in the cunt"

By now I was in stitches of laughter and these girls looked extremely angry, angry enough to throw their drinks on both him and me then proceed to try and glass us.

As it was relatively early in my drinking sesh I managed to do a ninja style dodge away from the crazed harpies, but my pulling partner being quite obviously smashed was not so lucky and ended up with a bloody great cut on top of his head!

Suffice to say I buggered off and didn't go back there for a while.
(Jimmy Large Is huffing Jenkem on, Sat 7 Feb 2009, 10:44, Reply)