Please tip your barmaid (or barman)
Back in my teens I had a part time job in a fairly rough local pub. We had a metal implement behind the bar (I call it an implement because I can't remember its proper name - it was a metal rod with a ball on the end, designed to kill fish). That sort of place.

There were two of us worked the Friday evening shift, both female and physically alike. Small and skinny. We had a step-stool so we could reach the rarely requested whisky kept on the shelf above the optics.

Being on the skinny side meant lots of jokes about lacking what was referred to as a 'barmaid's bust'. Think Jordan. Or Pamela Anderson.

We had a tips jar at the end of the bar, and all the offers to 'have one yourself' were translated into cash and deposited for sharing out at the end of the night. There was never very much in it, until I got a bright idea, a piece of paper, a black marker and some sellotapeTM (other sticky tapes are available).

I changed the label from 'Tips' to 'The more money we put in here, the quicker we can afford the boob jobs'. Our tips tripled. Oddly, so did the Saturday shift's tips. The Saturday staff consisted of two blokes who resembled the Mitchell brothers, only a bit more butch.

When I left the pub, the sign was still there, and one or two regulars had taken to complaining that the promised boob jobs hadn't materialised. I'm not sure if they meant us or the blokes, to be honest. Nothing would surprise me in that place.

They installed CCTV to prevent the local teenagers sneaking into the snooker room to have a shag on the tables. Or potting the pink as it was known.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:03, 7 replies)

I like little uns.
Dont tell my ladyfriend that though - she's got massive uns and wouldnt be pleased.

Hurrah for boobies!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:08, closed)

They could have been
potting the brown.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:13, closed)

The pinks worth more points!
Only go for the brown if the pink is off.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:23, closed)

Indeed
If the pink is covered by the reds you definitely need to move elsewhere. A bit of white on black action is always an option.
(annexed, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 13:14, closed)

The fish killing implement
is called a priest.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:16, closed)

Isn't that a child bum-raping implement?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:21, closed)

^^
Ace
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:43, closed)