All I needed was a punch in the face!
I went to school with a bloke called Gary. Gary was a bully and took great delight in bullying me in many ways from year 7 thru to year 10 (when he got expelled for lighting a fire in the blokes toilet at a local shopping centre).
I could bore you with the myriad of ways Gary chose to try and make my life miserable. But I won't. I learnt very quickly to ignore him and just walk on by rather than engaging him in whatever little scheme he'd dreamed up. See, despite his small, skinny stature Gary was a master manipulator, using less savvy people to his own devices and often engineering situations as best he could to ensure the best possible outcome for himself. Often to the detriment of others.
I certainly wasn't the only one of Gary's victims but as I said by watching him at work on others I quickly learned to keep quiet and avoid confrontation. One of Gary's favourite ploys was to observe a teacher approaching out of your sight. He would then bound up to you and goad you with the worst he had on you. Of course as soon as you reacted - lo and behold said teacher would stroll around the corner walking into a snarling you holding Gary roughly by the lapels (he wasn't a big fella by any stretch).
Annnnd of course Gary would be all 'butter wouldn't melt' and you'd end up being the one to get in trouble. If that didn't work Gary had a small group of minions who would run and get a teacher, dob you in for harassing Gary and.... well you get the gist.

Anyhoo.
One day I'm strolling down the corridor and I see Gary picking on some year 8 kid. The knot of look-see-lous and Gary's entourage have blocked the pathway so I gently try to push thru. To be met by Gary, who promptly out of nowhere punches me in the face. Now I'm not someone who likes pain or confrontation and having been in a few 'serious' fights I can honestly say - I'd been hit harder on the arm by sports team-mates after a game than what Gary had served up. As I have said he really wasn't built for being a hard man bully. I sort of shook my head and wondered what had landed on my top lip. Then it hit me and I saw RED. But I did manage to retain self control. Gary took a second swing which I easily dodged. Now things were difficult. Gary had clearly taken 2 of his best shots and I apparently had barely noticed. Knowing better than to grab him I snarled at Gary with the first thing that came to my mind - "I'll fight you after school at the tennis courts." It was winter so the courts weren't being used and they were suitably shielded from prying teacher's eyes.

Oh god, what the fuck had I done!

I meandered down to the tennis courts after school and found a small group of Gary's cronies and few other blokes there just to watch the fight. Maybe 20 odd boys all simmering, ready to form a mob and chant "FIGHT,FIGHT,FIGHT,FIGHT,FIGHT,FIGHT,FIGHT,FIGHT,FIGHT!".
And we stand around. Waiting.
After about 15 min it becomes clear that Gary is a no show. The crowd disperses grumbling and I stroll up to the boarding house.

The next day I come across Gary in class. I say nothing but one of his weasley lieutenants shouts out "Where were you yesterday arvo Gary?". Gary mumbled something about a dentist appointment. A couple of the other blokes in the class started giving Gary shit for being such a wuss.
I wish I could say that Gary faded into the oblivion. He didn't, he just found more underhand ways to try and bully me. But he never physically challenged me again and I got a rep as a slightly hard fellow cause I took a punch in the face and didn't flinch. Honestly he could've tickled me on the chin and I would've taken more notice.

tl:dr - got punched in the face by a bully, stupidly challenged him to a fight, he was a no show and ended up looking like a wimp.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 9:41, 19 replies)

Ineffectual flailing from a skinny weakling?
I wondered briefly if this was a parable about AB, but this line suggests otherwise: "I learnt very quickly to ignore him..."

My grandfather's approach to bullying was that I should invite my antagonists out for a fight after school. Given that I was built like Gary from above, and was usually picked on by bigger boys, I wonder what he was trying to achieve - maybe he just wanted to hasten my exit from the gene pool?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 9:53, closed)

Umm. You said it about AB. Not me.
I wasn't that much more impressively built than Gary. It's just that he was a lightweight.
A very manipulative lightweight.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 10:04, closed)

He sounds like an utter tool.
So does Gary, for that matter.

Terrible bullying of AB, here. We should be ashamed.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 10:10, closed)

I see what you did there.

(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 10:33, closed)

anyhoo

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 10:11, closed)

wavy lines

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 10:55, closed)

You guys are catching on remarkably quickly!

(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 10:57, closed)

Gimme five minutes...

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 10:15, closed)

It better be good.
Or I'm going to punch your stupid face in!
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 10:32, closed)

When did I first realize what was going on? It’s hard to say, it was one of those chains of events that had its own momentum. A few ‘accidental’ brush pasts in the corridor on the way to another lesson, a bit of gentle verbal sparring on the playground. It was clumsy because we were young and inexperienced; we possessed neither the self-awareness to recognize our feelings nor the vocabulary to express them. It was only when he reached out to me as if to brush something from my face, his soft fingers lingering on my lips. I gulped and struggled to regain control. “Meet me at the tennis courts after school”, I mumbled furtively, then quickly and guiltily moved away.
I’m still not sure to this day if somehow someone overheard or if it was he who spread the story of our assignation, unable to admit his true feelings to himself. I arrived at the tennis courts and there they were, a mob of other boys, expectant, prurient voyeurs. I didn’t know what to do, what to think. I hung around trying to look casual, trying not to make my disappointment obvious and eventually I drifted home.
When I saw him in school the next day he was cold, distant. Occasionally he’d drop a few words my way, but he never again looked me in the eye. Then one day he just didn’t turn up to school at all. There were rumours, of course. Some said he'd been caught in the mens toilets in the local shopping centre, trading blow jobs for Cherry Ripes. Sometimes I would close my eyes and imagine his touch, those soft fingers caressing my face and tickling my chin.
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 10:58, closed)

A bit more homo-erotic than I remember.
Post it as your own story (as Alby did last week) and see how it goes.
Cheers.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 11:05, closed)

YES.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 28 Sep 2013, 20:24, closed)

Kneel Before Rob!
My parents hated me. Hated me so much they packed me off to a provincial boarding school, just so they could live their gin-soaked lives without the headache of raising a child. For a long time I despised them for it - but slowly I came to realise that those long, lonely hours spent away from home made me into the man I am today. In fact, I can point to one particular incident at school which helped forge my character for life. It was the day I finally held my ground, stood up and was counted.

One of my dorm-mates was an intolerable little runt called Gary. A stick thin, weedy streak of piss but possessed of a certain aura that allowed to form a gang of weaker minded boys. Gary and his gang thought they ruled the roost. For some reason I was never asked to join Gary's Gang - despite the fact they charged round the playground chanting, 'Wanna be in my gang, my gang, my gang? Do you wanna be in my gang? My gang!' appropriating the lyrics of one of my favourite popstars.

Gary's Gang had a pretty devious modus operandi. They'd scout ahead for a teacher doing the rounds, then race back to find a victim. The poor sod they'd pick on was then goaded into losing it - right at the moment the teacher arrived, ensuring some innocent little kid was dragged off to see the head, having done nothing to deserve it. One day it was my turn. Gary's crew arrived and the man himself threw a punch. It connected with quite cleanly with my face - but I didn't flinch, I simply looked him square in the eyes and snarled, 'You and me. After school. Tennis Courts.'

Gary backed off and for the rest of the day I built myself up into a boiling, frenzied fury. I would show him. I would teach Gary and his Gang a lesson they'd never forget. They'd wish they'd never crossed me. Lessons ended and I headed over to the courts. The Gang were all there, standing in a perfect circle with King Gary at the centre. Showing no fear I bowled through the crowd and took up my position, legs apart, arms raised, like the prized pugilist I was.

Fight! Fight! Fight! The crowd chanted. And boy were they going to get one. Gary came flailing towards me, I ducked his first blow, neatly stepped aside from his second. And then it happened. Gary tripped on his laces and fell face down in front of me. The red mist descended and I saw my opening. Filled with bitter hatred and venom, I stood over the distraught Gary and pulled my school tie off. Then, I ripped open my shirt, buttons flying everywhere and torso gleaming I bent over him and growled, 'KNEEL.BEFORE.ROB'

My adrenaline levels were flying, I was in the zone. I kicked off my shoes. I hauled down my trousers, hurling them in a fit of fury into the crowd. Then as the red mist descended further, I yanked off my y-fronts and stood over Gary in nothing but my dirty, stained white socks. I could see the fear in his eyes as he looked up at me, silently begging for mercy. Even his acolytes began to back away. Slowly and deliberately I held my greasy cock and began to empty my foul smelling, boiling-piss all over the skinny runt.

Oh how I laughed. Tears of joy ran down my face as streams of urine ran down his. The crowd stared open-mouthed, they could not believe what they were seeing. The mighty was Gary vanquished. Gary managed to scrabble away and he ran screaming to the dorms. I spun round in my majestic nakedness, arms aloft shouting to the heavens. Victory! Victory is mine!

The Gang never bothered me again. In fact, nobody did. I could walk through the playground like a God. Kids avoided me. They'd get up and leave when I sat down to eat. They were too frightened to pick me for their teams. They'd run out the showers when I entered. I can honestly say not one soul came within 10m of me for the rest of my time at school. They were far too afraid.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 11:10, closed)

Sorry mate. Even with the overt homosexuality described in his post
wakeupandsmellthebacon wins this round.

Also your renditions often contain extrapolations that are highly inaccurate. A bit like shambo, AB , Monty and rory.
I wonder how that makes you feel?

EDIT: In ref. to your "oh look I've been ignored!" post that you deleted - no, not by me. But your post was shit compared to wakeupandsmellthebacon and dr&quinches interpretations.
Soz. But I ain't gonna sugar coat it for you.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 11:13, closed)

Truest title ever

(McChinaman banned, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 11:15, closed)

Physical threat lols!

(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 11:23, closed)

threat or an acute sense of observation?
*tosses coin*

coin says, the latter.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 11:59, closed)