I had got my friend 20 fags for her birthday
And I presented them to her in the pub. Another of our friends, an Indian girl, said “it's my birthday too you know!”, so I rummaged in my pocket and presented her with a single cigarette.

“Why does Serena get 20 and I only get one?”

“Well,” I replied, “it's because I'm a racist”

We had a bit of a chuckle then this awful chav girl came over and started having a go at me: “You're a fucking racist are you, my boyfriend's black and he'll kick your fucking head in.”

She then went and got the boyfriend who was pretty hard-looking, but thankfully nowhere near as dense as his girlfriend. After a tense few minutes explaining that I had neither done nor said anything racist, he was satisfied that it was just a joke between friends and he went off happy.

His idiot girlfriend still had failed to understand the difference between actually being racist and saying you're racist for a joke, but luckily she wasn't the one with the big fists and muscles.
(Eukanuba, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 16:23, 20 replies)

you fucking racist

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 16:25, closed)

Yeah alright fuck off back to sickipedia you racist.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 16:28, closed)

So you thought you'd give the white girl more cancer than the Indian one?
Unconventional racist.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 16:36, closed)

Where does it say the first girl was white?
She may well have been black.
The only Serena I know is black, you conventional racist you.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 27 Sep 2013, 16:45, closed)

Dunno, I just assumed the racist hate crime would be on a white girl.
That's how I normally do mine.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 16:48, closed)

Serena is white
She's also half-Irish traveller gypsy, so cancer is probably better than she deserves.
(Eukanuba, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 23:10, closed)

Racist!

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 28 Sep 2013, 14:45, closed)

MODS!
ban this filthy RACIST
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 16:49, closed)

Reminds me of 2 of my schoolfriends
Who, when bored on a night out will start calling each other 'poof'/'puff' and 'paki' as one is gay while the other is pakistani-ish. After a one-sided few (as only the gay one drinks) they're not always quick enough to pause the double act when barstaff/randomites approach within earshot, at one time leading to the following awkward confrontation-
Pakistani-ish: "Bla bla bla, you puff."
Gay person: "Lol, paki."
Passing indianish/pakistani-ish glass collecting girl: "What did you just call him?!"
Gay person: "Errrr... a wacky?"
Passing indianish/pakistani-ish glass collecting girl: Glares, leaves.
(squigbobble existed, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 16:52, closed)

Oh yeah, because all indians look like pakistanis you fucking racist

(AWESOMEB0T meddling prick, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 17:30, closed)

He didn't say that.
He said indian-ish people look pakistani-ish and that can't be racist can it?
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 27 Sep 2013, 18:12, closed)

All you non-albinos look the same to me

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 18:52, closed)

Courtesy of the border that didn't used to be there...
People from northwest India generally have the same middling skin colour as people (or their descendants) from most of Pakistan 'cos they're from the same latitude. A lot of the Indians who emigrated into the North of England were from Gujarat and Punjab so there's really nothing to distinguish them once the outward cultural signs are removed by 3 generations of being a Brit. It's largely once you get towards the southern half of India that people get darker skinned, there's quite a wide variation in skin colour across that country, not that there hasn't been plenty of migration within India to confuse that.

I dislike the term 'asian' as it feels like it lumps Indians, Pakistanis and Bangladeshis in with Chinese, Thai, Kazakhs, Russians etc. Some Pakistanis, Bangladeshis and Indians don't like being lumped together either, partly due to 3 wars.
(squigbobble existed, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 15:34, closed)

So aside from you being an awful racialist
Why did Serena get 20 cigs and the unnamed girl only got a ratty fag-end from your pocket?
I would've either grabbed Serena by the throat and snarled "Give the darky half you fags or I'll shiv ya!" or I'd have rounded up 20 chavvy scums and thrown Serena into the centre of a maelstrom of "Geez a fag will ya luv?"
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 28 Sep 2013, 0:04, closed)

I'd left my Honda Accord at home

(Eukanuba, Sat 28 Sep 2013, 10:29, closed)

Reminds me of the time my 2IC's gf was making coffee at our place of work.

She asked of him "How does he take it?"

"Black."

"Like his women?" [cue: giggles from her.]

2IC just about shit himself. My girly was blacker than the ace of spades - a lovely African young woman - and his lady didn't know.

2IC and his girly had a short, sharp conversation, followed by lots of apologies including the phrases "avoid disciplinary action" and similar.

Internally? I was laughing my tits off, as did my dear friend. It was black humour.
(EffinNitWit asks his tobacco where his whisky is, Sat 28 Sep 2013, 14:33, closed)

I misjudged some banter
I had been working in the best job I've ever had, for about four years. My friend Will was always quick to take the piss, but he didn't take it so well. At the time of this story he was going out with a black girl named Donna, who worked at our West Bromwich office. Will regularly referred to her as a nigger.

Anyway, he'd come into my office (I was in charge of goods-inwards and there were four people who worked under me), and he picked up a rubber stamp and started attacking Gary with it, saying "I've always wanted to stamp you Gary!"

Gary intentionally misunderstood Will, and started accusing him of bullying, saying that stamping on him was clearly unacceptable and likely to result in disciplinary action for Will.

I interjected at this point and claimed that Will was only picking on Gary because he was a wog (Gary is white).

"What are you on about?", said Will, "I'm going out with Donna!"

"What's that Will?" said I, "Are you saying that Donna's a wog?"

Will went bright fucking red and then Gary asked him if he wanted a spade to dig himself in any deeper.

I replied that he didn't need one as he was already going out with one.

Will very nearly punched me, and complained to the management. Luckily the manager was a piss-taking pill-muncher so he wasn't personally affronted, but I did think I was going to lose my job.

I made a counter-claim against Will, pretending I'd been upset about spastic jokes he'd made, but the long and the short of it was that I decided to quit my job and go and live in Cardiff where I could take massive drugs instead.
(Eukanuba, Sat 28 Sep 2013, 18:35, closed)

Massive drugs?
They're the worst.

You need lots of water to wash them down.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Sun 29 Sep 2013, 13:47, closed)

elementary mistake there
plebs* are incurably ignorant about what's racist or isn't, so for their own safety and job security, they should always keep their mouths shut and leave it to the educated** to decide what kind of speech is or isn't acceptable

* people who haven't gone to Eton and Oxbridge
** people who have gone to Eton and Oxbridge, and are best mates with someone who writes for the Guardian
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 29 Sep 2013, 0:19, closed)

Not that this will do me any favours
But as it happens I know somebody named Anita who is Indian and until recently actually did write for the Guardian.

Some sort of makeup thing I believe, she's now been poached for another style magazine.
(Eukanuba, Sun 29 Sep 2013, 2:21, closed)