So, I used to run a pub and sometimes when you dispense alcohol you have to pay the price
and you have to act as a sociability co-ordinator in terms of allowing other people to drink peaceably and get rid of potential trouble makers or just "not our kind of people" NOKOPS. One early Saturday evening a gentleman came into the pub and seemed okay alcohol wise but within half an hour I could see that he was a little unsteady. He then decided to become the a very typical arsehole. "Queers this, niggers that, Hitler was right etc. etc. etc." Time for him to leave. I used the "get glass, walk to door technique" - get a persons near full pint and they tend to follow it. Without boring you with the slanging match I did have to remove him. By this time my own personal cool was diminishing and perhaps in moments of anger you will notice that you do tend to start to shake.

He noticed the shakes and said, "Shaking with fear!" - "No, I am angry." - I throw the fucker out the door and into the wing of my prized Rover SD1 V8 Vanden Plas. This left a dent and I became furious and things went to a blackout. I was removed from the chap by regulars and I started to come out from the blackout. A woman said, "My god, look at your face." I thought that I had an injury, went to the toilet mirror and I was shocked. My face had turned shades of black and grey and I actually saw the normal colour returning. That's it, no comedy. Just a realisation that "black looks", "face like thunder" have a meaning in reality and it is when you reach a pure fury.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 15:56, 29 replies)

You need to spend less time watching cartoons

(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 16:22, closed)

Rover SD1 V8 Vanden Plas Honda Accord
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 17:11, closed)

I bet that wasn't even your final form.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 17:12, closed)

It was his final form,
but he had an ultimate one up his sleeve.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 17:27, closed)

If you were that bothered about your motor, why park it directly outside the pub where all the punters will be staggering about?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 17:14, closed)

So they could all stare in awe at it's stunning impressiveness.

(AWESOMEB0T meddling prick, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 18:49, closed)

Not thinking. Previous car was a £50 Lada 1600 in orange and rust.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 19:36, closed)

If it was a V8 SD1, presumably because it wasn't parked
it was broken down.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:18, closed)

What the fuck are you on about?
( Ken Oath, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 21:06, closed)

Your mum

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 9:14, closed)

You should have known
the shutins here get confused by tales of bar work, they don't really understand how it works
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 9:29, closed)

It just seems a bit strange to take someone's money, serve them alcohol, smash their face into a car, then lose all self control and beat them up...and then marvel at the colour of one's face.
( Ken Oath, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:01, closed)

Strange thing pub, pub goers and booze. I have the right not to be called a shit stabbing fairy
bastard and when said punter does that and tries to bottle me, then I am afraid I did go off the deep end a little. No regrets, and yes I was more impressed with my facial colouring than I would be by that fucking maggot masquerading as a human being.

I should add, that he never did come back with his family and friends to petrol bomb the place while I slept nor to shoot my faggot ass.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 15:57, closed)

Some prick completely lost his shit at my local and stood outside, shouting various threats including a firebombing. About fifteen minutes later, he came back and chucked a lit fag through the doorway.

Most minimalist firebombing ever.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 22:17, closed)

I had a guy who after being barred let his German Shepherd into the pub for that to cause trouble.
I like dogs.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 13:30, closed)

Nobody seems confused about the intricacies of pouring liquids into glasses,
more why someone would get into an argument and fight with a pissed up bellend instead of ignoring their rambling and just hoofing them out, like any sensible barman would.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 11:49, closed)

Sadly, not every story can be easily summarised for the retarded to understand
Sometimes, BD, you're just going to have to accept that you're a stupid cunt.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 13:45, closed)

Oh dear, you've got all upset.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 14:16, closed)

Not really
I enjoy calling you a stupid cunt as much as you seem to enjoy proving it
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 14:31, closed)

Your glasses have slipped down your nose, you should do something about that.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 14:53, closed)

Sorry four-eyes
but I'm not a speckoid like you
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 15:17, closed)

Classic TTT.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 23:52, closed)

You should seriously consider getting some form of list-based internet revenge.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 0:15, closed)

That's it tiger, you were there. You correct me on what I should do Mr Superhero.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 15:59, closed)

Hey man, no need to get so mad, I'm just saying there might have been a better way of dealing with the situation.
Don't go all Joe Fixit on me or anything.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 16:26, closed)

It's true I have never worked in a bar. It all sounds pretty complicated to me, you probably need at least a law degree for it.

(AWESOMEB0T meddling prick, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 14:04, closed)

A law degree. Why not something worthwhile like media studies?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 15:52, closed)

How many shades of grey?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:20, closed)

Probably 50 but obviously they were black and fading to grey.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 15:50, closed)