On another occasion...
I was out for a drive in my Evo. I had two 17-year-old girls in the car who were wanting to pull over to do lesbionics on each other. Not wanting to jizz in my pants whilst they were making out on the back seat, I put my foot down.

Traffic cop sees me doing 155mph, catches up when I have to slow for a roundabout, and pulls me over.

I get out of the car, and the copper says "your car's shit and those girls are ugly".

This did not sit well with me, and the red mist descended. He asked if I had my driving licence. I said it was back in the glove compartment.

I walked back to the car, opened the passenger door, and instead of reaching for the glove compartment I reached under the seat and retrieved my double-barrelled shotgun.

I removed the safety catch and turned back towards the traffic cop. "Prepare to die, pig!" I shouted. I pulled the trigger. The first round hit him in the chest. He hit the ground. Standing over him I pointed the gun at his head. "Night night, scum," I shouted, before pulling the trigger and discharging the second cartridge into his head, blowing it clean to pieces.

The two 17-year-old girls were almost orgasmic by this point, a bit like Salad Fingers with his favourite rusty spoon. They got out of the car, and we began to feast on the flesh of the now deceased traffic cop.

Having consumed his remains, we got back in the car, drove to the woods and fucked each other's brains out.
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 0:07, 30 replies)

will you fuck off?

( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 3:46, closed)

If you're gonna do a parody of yourself the girls would have to be toddlers.

(AWESOMEB0T meddling prick, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 7:20, closed)

You're not Legless Defencing your way out of this.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 7:58, closed)

"No seriously guys I was only joking. Seriously. I was. Just joking. I mean - everyone likes a paedo joke right? Right? I was just joking!"

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 8:43, closed)

If Sickipedia is anything to go by...
then yes, everyone does.
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 9:10, closed)

You're a racist as well?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 9:13, closed)

Ah, yes - Sikipedia.
That well-known touchstone of the nation's culture.

Certainly not some internet backwater populated entirely by weirdos.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 9:22, closed)

Oh, but hang on...
I thought Sickipedia was run by b3ta?

Which means that b3ta must also be an internet backwater populated by weirdos.

Oh, wait a moment...
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:26, closed)

Yes.
It's hardly Amazon.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:41, closed)

what's all this about you being a paedo?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 8:51, closed)

No no, he's not a paedo, he, at the age of 34, just likes having sex with underage girls.
But it's okay because he takes them abroad where the age of consent is lower so it's not a crime, he just knows it's wrong and has to justify it on the internet.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 9:12, closed)

Oh look the Jeremy Kyle double standard merchant.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 9:33, closed)

Eh?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 9:40, closed)

Don't worry, he beats up drunks for fun.
( Ken Oath, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:02, closed)

I am sure he does.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:08, closed)

Or do you mean dealing with people who are cunts, like airport security.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:10, closed)

I'm not sure I follow what's going on here.
Are you upset, online, on behalf of a proven nonce?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:13, closed)

I think he's a bit unhinged, and keen to start a fight.
( Ken Oath, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:34, closed)

You pair are being truly pathetic today, has the nurse upped your testostorone injections and
you are both feeling internet bully hard today.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 16:01, closed)

Some testosterone envy going on here

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 21:16, closed)

doh

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 21:48, closed)

PMSL
I think you'll find I was 22 when I nailed my friend's sister. About 12 years out. (And I'm not 34 either.)
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:24, closed)

That makes it so much better.
35 then? I'm estimating based on you being 31 a few years back.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 10:39, closed)

Basically, he's admitting to being a middle aged nonce here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 20:51, closed)

HALF YOUR AGE, MINUS SEVEN.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 13:42, closed)

you're a bit creepy

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 14:30, closed)

Uncomfortable about being a nonce ^^^^

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 14:40, closed)

You must be well 'ard, innit?
"I removed the safety catch"...

So what you're saying is that you took the gun to bits and reassembled it, leaving a metal thingamajig and assorted sprngs lying on the ground, right?
(GermanGuy invaded on, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 11:48, closed)

You make me almost miss spanky

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 14:19, closed)

AM gets away with this because he's clearly a massive liar. You just look like you're boasting now.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 1 Oct 2013, 14:25, closed)