On Hallowe'en this year
My friend C got very drunk and shagged a girl of leviathanic proportions who also tore his back to ribbons. Of course, we have been mocking him about the incident ever since - nicknaming him "Captain Ahab" and making constant jokes about whaling. Sitting in the uni open mic night tonight we were continuing in the same vein, discussing how long (five minutes) it had taken to go from "repartee to rippling motions" when he snapped and half-shouted "WILL YOU LOT STOP GOING ON ABOUT WHALES!"

Just then - literally at that very moment - the next singer stepped up to the microphone and announced "And this is a song I wrote about a whale that's being harpooned". We died. Absolutely died laughing*.

Lines included "They'll eat my eyes, and even my thighs (though I don't have any, because I'm a whale)".

C just sat there, head in hands. Put down by someone he's never even met.



*I got better
( MatJ LOOK, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 2:02, 2 replies)

This made me laugh
so have a click
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 9:05, closed)

On a similar theme
a work colleague had sheepishly admitted one Monday morning, after some interrogation, that he'd shagged a slightly larger lady that weekend. Of course we ripped the piss relentlessly.

Coincidentally, he was leaving to start a new job. Our boss came round to speak to us on the sly to ask for any stories, jokes etc about him, for his leaving speech.

We managed - somehow - to keep a straight face while we told the boss that he was a very charitable chap, and had recently made a large donation to Save The Whale.

His leaving day came round, the boss gave the speech, reached the immortal line, and me and my mate descended into total hysterics.

Kenny just stood there, slowly shaking his head, muttering 'you absolute fucking bastards' under his breath.

No one else had a clue what was going on. Until we told them all in the pub.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 30 Nov 2011, 14:39, closed)