here's one that springs to mind
in the first year I was married to the missus in our shitty shared london flat, after a party we were engaged in some horizontal folk dancing up in our bedroom. Now I sensed she was a bit dry, something that can happen after a day on the booze, so I decided to do the gentlemanly thing and apply some lube a flatmate had left behind and I was saving on the off-chance of a backdoor pass. In a boozy state myself, I didnt want to risk losing my Yasser (araFAT) so I quickly fumbled in the drawer for the tube, gave a quick application then plunged back in. Now to be honest this was the first time I've used proper lube, primping for alternatives like baby oil or Pantene Conditioner when the need arose (in the words of Zappa: keep it greasy so it goes down easy).But shortly I thought to myself, "This can't be right" as a burning sensation crept over my cock. We both ground to a halt and I switched on the light. Reading the label, I'd managed to lather a liberal portion of 'Deep Heat' muscle reliever over my bed flute, and the missus had also copped a fiery serve to her funbox. That was the end of it, but strangely enough despite the pain I stayed hard as flint till it wore off.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:20, 5 replies)

I've said it before
But I'll say it again.

D-R-A-W-E-R

Drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer drawer DRAWER
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:42, closed)

there, all better
if only spellcheck was that insistent
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:03, closed)

I had an accidental deep heat incident.
Ex Mrs Anthropos and I worked on a farm one summer. She pulled a muscle in her shoulder so I rubbed some deep heat on it when we were in bed that evening. We started some horizontal business and after a minute or two she froze and the legged it to the bathroom.

I had forgotten to wash the deep heat off my hands. Oh dear, I was not a popular Anthropos. Nearly as unpopular as the time I sicked a bottle of vodka up all over her when she was asleep. That however, is another story for another day.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:47, closed)

My brother once absent mindedly scratched his ring with a freshly Deep Heated hand
and Riverdanced around the bedroom.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 17:42, closed)

I always find..
that any kind of "stinging pain" down there usually triggers the kind of stiffy you normally only get when you're 15 years old and your best mate smuggles a porn mag into school. Not always welcome, perhaps, as it tends to stick around until the stinging has subsided.

Is that normal? =0 I hope so.
(MrBeansHoliday, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 20:33, closed)