Hmm, pearoast time
Whilst home alone of an afternoon, I like to create increasingly more contrived methods of automating masturbation.

Mainly because I'm a lazy bastard tbh.

Anyways, after various experiments with powertools and anything I can find about the house, the missus and I were doing some serious redecorating so we hired one of those paint-shaking machines. The sort where you clamp a paint-tin in it and switch it on and it oscillates vigourously, and saves you having to stir it manually. Something along the lines of this.

Anyway, wife goes out and I go searching the house for parts to make a machine-penis interface. I fabricated something with a few layers of felt, rubber bands and gaffa-tape.

I started the machine, it was perfect. So I laid on the table next to it, got into position and set it going at about 60%.

Well that didn't take long, maybe 12 seconds. I'd struck gold in wanking efficiency.

Within maybe just over a minute, I'd cum 3 times and things were getting sticky. So I reached for controls, but in my ecstacy the machine had shuddered out of reach.

This was worrying and as I scrabbled around looking for something to cut the power with, pull the plug out, anything. It didn't make it easy the fact that I cum two more times.

I was getting light-headed and was beginning to get distressed, though this was regularly punctuated with climaxes which were producing less and less fluid.

After maybe ten mins, I lost count at about 23 or 24. I lost track of time, but when my missus finally came in and rescued me I calculated that I'd been hooked up to it for best part of an hour and had probably orgasmed maybe 40 times. I looked like someone had glazed my abdomen with a dozen eggs.

The muscles behind the penis-root ached like hell. I now have groin muscles like Geoff Capes' biceps and when I shoot my load now I can hit the far wall with it.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 16:35, 3 replies)

Winner.
/makes plans to stop at B&Q on the way home
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 17:01, closed)

hahahah
Obviously hugely exaggerated, but it made me guffaw, so have a click
( Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 13:34, closed)

LOL1
I enjoyed that! I don't believe it, but I enjoyed it non the less, good belly laugh! ;)
( ..wil, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 18:04, closed)