Not exactly "My" lady-satisfyer, but.....
Has anyone else ever come across (steady....) the "Jelly Green Giant"?

I am still unsure as to where exactly it came from, but I imagine it was some sort of Anne Summers style web page. On the one occassion I left my drunken ex on the PC alone (too drunk to discover the well hidden naked ladies folder), I awoke three days later to the sound of the postman knocking the door.

The package he had for us was too large to be delivered through the letterbox. The dawning realisation on my ex's face as she slowly unwrapped this monster was priceless.

It looked as though someone had sawn off the incredible hulk's arm and lovingly wrapped it in a gift box. I remember being utterly convinced the thing would have to be wired up to a car battery just to get it started, but two double A's seemed sufficient.

She was suitably embarrased for a while and into a drawer it went, presumably until medical science invented a widening operation suitably severe to accommodate the beast.

After she kicked me into the road, I often contemplated going down while she was at work and planting the veiny green enormity in the front garden for everyone to see. It was only the thought of touching it that stopped me.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 21:39, 2 replies)

Needs moar chilli.

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 13 Mar 2009, 22:13, closed)

I had a huge array
of petty vengeance plans, from pissing in the kettle to stuffing prawns in the curtain poles, but sadly never did any of them. Except the old drunken popper fuelled car scratching session, obviously, but everyone does that.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sat 14 Mar 2009, 3:56, closed)