cancer
Thought I had testicular cancer... didn't.

Obviously a huge relief, and not having cancer is the best result - but the actual sensation of "relief" did me no good.

In the period when I feared I had cancer, I became the most motivated man alive: every minute of every day counted, I'd bound out of bed and attack the day early every morning. As soon as I had the all-clear, I lost all motivation again. I had all the time in the world to live life in now, so of course I proceeded to fritter it away with no sense of loss or urgency. Absolutely bloody stupid of me.

Sometimes I wish the Doctor had lied and told me I had an inoperable cancer with no way of telling how long it would be until it flared up and killed me.
( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 22:18, 5 replies)

I bet you've still got a bumhole as well.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 22:32, closed)

No need to be so coy with a fellow mustelid, surely - if you'd like to sniff it, just ask.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 23:28, closed)

bumhole
Thought I'd lost my bumhole... hadn't.
( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 3:37, closed)

Great idea, I'll start telling all of my patients that they have inoperable cancer.
That should motivate the lazy sods.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 23:29, closed)

If you're not prepared to operate
isn't it you that's being the lazy sod?
(ubergeekian, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 10:43, closed)