Pretend suicide
Now this turned out harsher than I expected, but seemed a cracking idea at the time.

I was young, hacked off, and as young and hacked off people are prone to (especially those who find themselves working in call centres taking gas meter readings over the phone), I'd decided to quit my job in style.

We had a team meeting/daily pep-talk scheduled for that morning, and as our line manager was a chain smoker, these were sometimes held in the car park at the side of the building - as was the case the day I'd decided to quit.

Now the building itself was on a hill, looking out over the city, and right at the end of the car park was a low wall, over which, to a casual observer there would seem to be a sheer drop of about 100ft - although it was actually slightly terraced, with something like a 4-5ft drop immediately the other side.

The pep-talk started as usual with our boss attempting to motivate us for the day ahead. Following this, we'd usually take it in turns to discuss any issues from the day before.

When it was my turn, I merely uttered "Sorry, but I can't take it any more, I really can't, I quit", ran across the car park like a demented, suicidal monkey, and hurled myself across the wall.

There was about 30 seconds stunned silence, followed by screaming, and then more screaming, and then plenty of crying.

When I emerged, rather than being treated as a jolly prankster they overlooked my "resignation", sacked me immediately and escorted me from the premises.

So yeah. Don't pretend to kill yourself at work kids. Not good.
( rofl harris, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:28, 15 replies)

Worth a click for...
..and I quote, "Demented, suicidal monkey"

Gold.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:30, closed)

Amazing
*clicks*
( Cawl, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:32, closed)

a fine example
of, "teh funny" *click*
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:44, closed)

Excellent
*goes to find similar building*
(i anglepoise, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:49, closed)

I like this
I really do.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:49, closed)

good stuffus..
me likey!
click!
(misshotlips, Fri 23 May 2008, 14:59, closed)

I did something similar not that long ago.
When I had a guest here from your side of the pond I took her up to Skyline Drive one day, and my daughter elected to come along.

My daughter has a fear of heights and gets vertigo very easily, so when I got out to look at the vistas she stayed in the car.

We got off at one vista, and there was a two foot tall stone wall around the edge of the parking area. I hopped up on it and walked a few feet, turned to face her, and pretended to lose my balance- flailing arms, expression of horror, the whole bit- before stepping backward off the wall, seemingly into a very long drop.

The drop on the other side of the wall was two feet. I stood there grinning at her horrified expression.

She then turned around and mooned me.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 23 May 2008, 15:00, closed)

Haha
Picturing it now...excellent.
*click*
(Sundayturkey has the biggest mug of tea, Fri 23 May 2008, 15:01, closed)

I haven't
to stifle a laugh like that for quite a while now!

*click*
( Bazongaloid, Fri 23 May 2008, 15:02, closed)

Brilliant.
Why can't bosses ever see the funny side?

Moody bastards.
( Moey, Fri 23 May 2008, 15:14, closed)

Sheer
Brilliance.

& "click"
(uk_viper stopped lurking on, Fri 23 May 2008, 15:24, closed)

No-one ever play exam suicide at school?
This did a round of several schools in our area, since it couldn't really be repeated successfully in one. You needed:

1 impressionable teacher, preferably female, in her fifties, fond of cardigans and of calling sixteen-year-olds 'sausage'.
1 classroom on the second floor or above.

Deputise the most vulnerable and manic-looking child, who will look heart-wrenching crumpled on the tarmac, to go downstairs and lie below the window. Open the window. Wait for said teacher's footsteps outside the classroom. Shout collectively, 'No! Don't do it!' and cluster around the window.

Worked a treat on the innocent old souls scattered about the Edinburgh private sector teaching music, RE and suchlike.
(adelie discovered the joys of a board sig on, Sat 24 May 2008, 0:31, closed)

hahaha
classic

:D
( discomeats This canoe, Thu 29 May 2008, 1:24, closed)

*click*
Fecking hilarious - had to hold the laugh in (boss is about 10 foot away)
( snee held his breath since, Thu 29 May 2008, 8:29, closed)

So Mrgibbles
What was the reason for leaving your last job?
I pretended to commit suicide in an hilarious manner
Excellent welcome to TGB Click Industries!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 29 May 2008, 9:57, closed)