Crap Little Monkey reminds me:
We didn't do Christmas in the Vagabond household, as I was far too punk fucking rock and non-conformist to enter into the capitalistic orgy of materialistic greed based on a festival created by a system deliberately designed to control people's behaviour through the vilification of sex and the legal endorsement of the subjugation of women, but then one day, a few years ago, I realised that I could actually choose to enjoy life instead.

So as a surprise for Mrs Vagabond, who loves all things frizzly, on my return home one Friday evening, I picked up a Christmas tree, loads of decs, and a couple of bottles of wine and some sachets of mulling spices.

As I waited for traffic at the side of the road, stood in my hat and overcoat, my tree over my shoulder and bags at my side, a car full of young men approached, and one of them leaned out of the window and gave me a big cheer! "Hooray for Christmas!" he cried, and the driver honked his horn repeatedly.

Hurrah!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 11:20, 13 replies)

I used to love buying a Christmas tree
Carrying it home on my shoulder and feeling like a proper man

These days, our tree lives in the garden 11 months of the year, and we just carry it inside in December. It's grown about a foot since we've had it.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 11:24, closed)

I got wolf-whistled by a car full of ladettes, once.
Far more satisfying.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 11:27, closed)

'Course you did.
I bet they pulled up and you fucked them all as well, eh?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 11:28, closed)

No,
but I did lift up my top and flash my tits at them.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 11:54, closed)

It goes without saying that it was a Honda Accord.

(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 11:33, closed)

Actually we shouted: "You gay lord shit-spaz"

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 12:05, closed)

I seem to remember you once telling us about hanging around with feminist types at uni , and going on about the capitilst system and such.
Did you use to be a right twat? Go on, you can tell us.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 12:37, closed)

Use to be?
What is he now, then?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 13:00, closed)

Woefully arrogant, irritatingly capable, and now thinks that Hitler was a bit of an under-achiever.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 13:21, closed)

^As Bitchtits said^ - used to be?
I was like the bastard bum-child of Student Grant in Viz, and Wrik from The Young Ones.

I'd like to think I've changed a bit since then.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 13:19, closed)

Hhahaha!
I'm now picturing you as spotty, wearing dungarees- possibly yellow- and reading your own poetry about 'the man' in a failed attempt to woo whiny smelly girls.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 14:42, closed)

Yes that's pretty much spot on, except the dungarees were combats, New Model Army t-shirt and army boots.
I still like New Model Army, though, because they're bloody fantastic.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 11:13, closed)

But...you didn't do Christmas!!!!
I'm surprised Mrs. Vagabond married you in the first place. How could you deny a Christmas lover, Christmas? Very "bah-humbug" of you. Glad you saw the Christmas lights and changed.
(Woofie, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 20:31, closed)