Be prepared...
Once on a scout sleepover in the local hall (five minutes down the hill from my house), we had completed the required levels of violence and mayhem and decided to settle down for the night. After a few moments we heard some drunken thugs outside, and, being young and tough, we started yelling rude things out the windows. Which really got them wound up. So they started throwing rocks and breaking the windows (thankfully the windows were about 20 ft off the ground, so were not an entry point).

Cue us all panicking that they would get in. So in true scout style, we booby-trapped the entrances to the hall. The main one being the most obvious, we rigged it with two battering rams (fashioned from huge logs that we had around for building scoutly things), one from the side, and one from the front, with a rather impressive knife attached to it.

So, our constructions completed, we sat back and waited for the hoons to try something. Then we heard footsteps around the front entrance. We all grabbed what weapons we could, ranging from chunks of wood to knives and such.

The footsteps stopped outside the door and we heard a fumbling with the locks. We thought we were safe as we had rigged the battering rams to trigger as the door opened.

So slowly the lock unlocks and the door opens, setting the two lethal battering rams on their merry ways.

We sat, with a mixture of fear and excitement as the huge chunks of wood with knives attached made their way towards our intruder. As the door opened further, we saw the face of our scout leader come to check on us.

Great! we thought, its not thugs here to kill us after all.

Followed by even greater fear, upon realising that we were about to kill our friends dad.

So the ram from the front with the big fuck off knife attached to it is hurtling towards Lawrie. We're all transfixed, not wanting to see what comes next. As the ram closed in and death briskly approached Greg's dad, the ram from the side swung in, just in time for the front ram to embed the knife a good four inches deep.

Cue much relief, but a rather intense bollocking from Lawrie.

He was well impressed with our engineering, so close to being lethal, but just incompetent enough to be rendered, thankfully, completely impotent and useless.

Length? about 8ft, girth to kill for and a bloody great knife lashed to the end of it.
(lessmiserable, Tue 27 Feb 2007, 16:53, Reply)