Irrational fears count?
Ice lollies. Can't fucking stand them.
(Squash, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 10:41, Reply)

Clashrock
I'm not sure who it was, it was a mixed CD that the (now ex) boyfriend made for me. Perhaps he didn't like me too much at the time :/

Bloody hidden tracks.
(chili_kitten Cheese, peas and honey bees, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 9:30, Reply)

Mirror, signal, fucking hell.....
I was doing 70mph (*) on the M6 in my clapped out old Nova. A Tesco lorry pulled out in front of me without indicating, so calmly, I pressed the brake pedal to put a decent distance between us and called the driver a few choice names... Except my brakes failed.

You know that feeling when your entire set of internal organs seem to turn to liquid?

I remember rather little after that, but my passenger assures me that I turned to her and said, without a wobble in my voice, "We might have a small problem...". I pulled onto the hard shoulder and let the car slow while changing down gears, then thank GOD saw a service station and managed to somehow to finally stop the car in the car park.

I then got out of the car and vomited copiously into a bin.

I still haven't told my mother about it, she'd ban me from ever getting in a car again, despite the fact that a) I'm 32 and b) her driving makes Ayrton Senna look like a model of road safety.

(*) Honestly, Officer...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 9:25, Reply)

woo, this morning!
Was cycling into work a bit groggily this morning when I realised something felt a bit weird. Realised about halfway there that the rear brake cables had suddenly stretched all to fuck and I was facing the prospect of a pretty steep downhill ride through Daily Mail country (fuckwits in landrovers and audis pulling out without looking or stopping suddenly without indicating) with only my front brakes able to actually stop me. Potential for flipping over the front wheel anyone?

After the initial fear I got that feeling of "fuck it, haven't injured myself on this bike yet, let's go!".

In the end it was quite uneventful...
( yes yes yes man oi mate, someone's writtten 'bum' on your neck, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 9:16, Reply)

quite scary
Whilst on holiday in the Maldives, we boarded a plain that look a bit like a floating Leyland bus on skis. This wasn't too scary in itself but I soon turned into pant shitting mode when (to the horror of all 6 passengers on-board) what looked like a small boy wearing surf shorts and no shoes got into the pilots seat, started the engines and asked if we we're all sitting comfortable and ready to go!

It was a damn sight smoother take-off and landing than the airliner that we arrived on!
(cherry B, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 8:34, Reply)

Dan Air
I was about 14 years old, and Dair Air were still in business. I was flying back to Gatwick with my parents having just had a pleasant 2 weeks holiday in Yugoslavia. The plane approached the airport to land, except the wheels on one side had not come out....

CRASH !!!
It was 18 years before I travelled in a plane again!
( turb0t, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 8:25, Reply)

Alien Invasion!
It was around the time when 'Close Encounters..' was the new 'big film' and I had just bought my first car.

I was driving home at about three in the morning on a dark country lane, I turned a corner and suddenly the interior lights came on with the whole car filled with rushing wind (and old crisp packets).

I nearly wet myself thinking "This is IT! i'm about to be abducted by aliens. I screeched to a halt jumped out of the car and looked up to see... nothing! I then looked at the car and then realised one of the back doors had opened having not been shut properly.

Luckily all this happened in the middle of nowhere so no one saw me making a complete dick of myself.

.
(SproutsAreEvil, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 8:11, Reply)

Open door
I was going to post this last night when it happened but it was late and I was tired and a little drunk.

I got home from snogging a girl to find my front door wide open. I have to pretty much slam my door to make sure it's closed properly and check it every time I leave, and yet I come home to my flat open to the public. This was pretty scary. Was I about to be bum-raped by a mentalist? Had all my stuff been nicked? What was I going to find? ...

Nothing. No-one was there and my stuff was still where it was. Given that I live in Croydon this is a little comforting.

Before that the last time I was really scared was riding down this on my snowboard. But that's just showing off.

Length? Girth? She wanted it in the street, mate.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 7:29, Reply)

that time I realised
that I had an awesome answer, but the question was going to end soon so it wouldn't get enough votes.

Obviously this isn't that time.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 4:19, Reply)

The time i woke up
and the doctor was standing over my opened carcass and pulling bits out while saying to the nurse 'wow, i need a new one of theese'.
(Deform Rah, help me think of somthing better., Thu 1 Mar 2007, 3:48, Reply)

the first time I did scat porn

I was so scared I failed to shit myself.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 3:28, Reply)

I don't know what everyone's talking about

I've just bought some new threads from K-Mart and they're not particularly scary.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 3:28, Reply)

threads...
i just had the worst nights sleep for a long time. nightmares abound! thanks.....
(doublefruit is wasting away the day that is, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 23:54, Reply)

I just watched Threads.
Thanks a fucking lot.
(Don Diasco, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 23:17, Reply)

Utter gits
I worked for a year for a network integration firm, bursting my bollocks to make sure the job I'd been taken on to do was done and dusted on time. Customer was an utter prick, but I kept on going, rain or shine, rich or poor, thinking "at the end of this there is a very large pot of cash for me and my skills"

Wrong.

Customer turned out to be clinically diagnosed as schizophrenic, equipment vendor had difficulty shipping anything working outside of Tel Aviv, and the company I worked gave me fuck all support on-site. I spent the best part of a year away from my wife, and had nothing to show for it, so naturally I was quite pissed off.

I raised my concerns at a meeting with both directors (one of whom had been offered a headlock and severe kicking a month previously by myself for endangering engineers, breaching H&S etc), at which point I'm asked in a most circumspect manner to tender my resignation.

Oh shit, maybe I've not thought this through, I have no other work lined up, it's before xmas, what will the wife say, how the fu...

"Yeah that sounds fair, but I'll tell you what - instead of me resigning sans notice period, consider this my verbal resignation, you'll have written confirmation tomorrow, and I'll expect renumeration for my notice period in line with my current salary"

Stood up, walked out, informed the MD I had no problem with him but his associate was a fucking prick, and never looked back.

Walked into a job paying double my salary with international travel for free within a month (after sitting on my boney arse playing Hitman & Metroid for most of that time).

Still gives me a cold sweat thinking about that crunch point when I did throw the towel in with nothing lined up. I still cant quite figure how I fished myself out the shite there.

Moral of the story: dont be afraid to speak your mind and call a cunt a cunt.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 23:16, Reply)

This weekend might qualify...
I'll spare you the backstory, but I had to drive from the Eden Project to Looe (to pick up some people) and on to Exeter. With an engine that was acting up severely (sounded/felt really rough, massive loss of power, and the injection warning light glaring at me) - I spent the whole three hours or so worrying that the car wouldn't make it. I suppose it's not fear for my life by any stretch, but I was still quite scared not only of generally getting stranded in the middle of Cornwall, but also, more specifically, that the engine would decide to seize up while I was doing 90 (downhill) on the dual carriageway, or some similarly spectacular failure mode... while trying not to show this to the five other people in the vehicle. Well - not too much, I did tell them that I was having engine trouble.
(julius, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 22:52, Reply)

Alergic to nuts...
Giving my nuts the once over and found a massive lump........now thats fucking scary!

(check yourselves regularly lads)

Length? Well the swelling helps!!
(jidler changed his name on, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 22:49, Reply)

Moscow part 3
A goup of employees were all staying in the same hotel, and were collected from the hotel each morning and taken to the CISHQ office. One day the minibus driver decides to take a different route because the traffic is a little more congested this particular morning. After a few twists and turns along the back streets, we end up at the motorway, however, the driver decides its ok to drive onto the motorway using the *exit* ramp and we are now on the motorway facing the wrong way with traffic coming towards us at high speed.
Hey - no problem fore the minibus driver - he just does a U-turn amongst the speeding traffic on the motorway that does not want to stop for him.
All the other passengers on the minibus started off yellow*, they were now whiter than me.

*korean
( turb0t, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 22:44, Reply)

Moscow part 2
I was on a biz trip in Moscow in Summer 2004. I was sitting in the restaurant at the Hotel one evening. There was an almighty "thud", it felt like maybe a big lorry had driven into the side of the building. The next morning I find that the building 2 away from my hotel had been the victim of a bomb blast.
( turb0t, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 22:38, Reply)

Moscow part 1
It was Summer 2004. I just started work in a new company. They sent me on a biz trip to Moscow.
I was at heathrow airport, waiting at the departure gate just about to board the plane, and on the big 50" plasma TV it was showing CNN or BBC world news 24 or similar. The subject of news at that very second.....
Two passenger planes have been shot out of the sky flying over moscow.
( turb0t, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 22:35, Reply)

I just realised, i think i have a phobia of moths...
im not afraid of them, but they freak me out, they have eyes that glow in the dark, like real animals / cats and dogs etc.... but its an insect!!!
*gets shivvvers down his spine just thinking about it*
( SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 22:28, Reply)

Olympus Airlines
Returning from a lovely holiday on the Greek island of Kythera, where the runway was a field, very close to the sea, on a twin-propellor plane which sat about 20 people, on which the lights had to be turned off for the engine to start - not ideal, whilst above the shiny blue Agean Sea, for no real reason I could fathom the plane decided to drop towards said sea. Well, I say drop, I mean plummet like a stone bringing us hapless passengers alarmingly close to filling our breeks. Not sure how far we fell, but once normality was restored my already decimated faith in Olympus Airlines was further dented by the sight of the co-pilot laughing so hard he started retching and had to run to the loo. I think it was at that point I was sick onto my mother's lap.
(sarcasticgirl, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 21:44, Reply)

Scary
Thought I´d got someone pregnant (the same girl who was subject of my answer to the "Beautiful But Bonkers QOTW" - you see I did get some!). That was scary.
(ComplexStuff Was confused by life on, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 21:26, Reply)

this morning
wakened by a mighty thumping noise (thanks neighbour) then tried to get back to sleep but dreamed of dark age vikings invading the (modern) wee town where my parents live on the moray firth ... just one in a series of dreams lately that have featured huge transparent slugs, dead people in my bed wrapped in cellophane, dead parents (both are alive in real life, touch wood), and other sundry anxieties ...
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 21:16, Reply)

Whenever I get scared I chant
'I must not fear'
'Fear is the mind killer'
'fear is the little death that bring total obliteration etc etc'

and confided to someone else

who told me they do the same thing
( WormuIus, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 20:55, Reply)

Touching The Cloth
Until a field trip last summer, I'd never been north of Manchester, something I'd kept quiet on said field trip, as I was working on Arctic glaciers 500 miles from the North Pole on Svalbard. I wasn't scared. I was young and reasonably switched on, and a good shot for polar bears.

About two weeks in, I had to go on a trip to get samples from the side of a glacier. I'd been to the sample site a few days previously and it was safe, so the normally careful field guide let me solo it. I stuffed a radio in my pocket and took my ice axe with me, more as a stopgap against a hungry bear than to stop a fall and set off out of sight. Big Mistake.

Few minutes later, I'd arrived at the edge of the glacier, except the safe crossing point of the day before had melted completely, revealing a 1.5 m wide raging meltwater stream. No way could I wade it, it was jump or go home. As I stood on the bank a vision came to me. You know the cartoons where the character goes over a cliff edge and stays stationary until he realises he's falling? As the thought formed, that's exactly what happened. I launched myself for the other side as the overhang of ice underneath me gave way. I landed *just* on the other side, digging my axe in to stop me going in the drink. Phew.

So, eager to get out of there, I scrambled up the scree slope to get my samples. Rather than risk crossing back I decided to traverse parallel to the glacier until I got to a point safe to cross. I stayed high to avoid a repeat of the cornice incident, some 15 m above the stream. All was fine and dandy for a hundred metres or so, scree a bit loose but OK. And then everything changed. It was no longer scree, but a very fine layer of small pebbles over glassy water ice, with added teflon. The momentum of my last step carried me on to it. I put one step onto it and I was gone, sliding on my belly with increasing speed towards the meltstream. If I hit the bottom, I'd go straight in, lose grip quickly, and drown rapidly. My body would be cooled very quickly, and not even a thermal imager would spot me as I'd be carried back into the belly of the glacier. Basically my parents would be deprived of their 22-year old only son and wouldn't even have a body to bury.

Life slowed down. My heartrate shot up and I fought for my life. All the self-arrest methods beloved of mountaineering instructors would not work on this thick, glassy hard ice, and I had a crappy, blunt axe prolly used by Amundsen himself. I swung my axe as hard as I could in, like an ice climber, only for it to bounce off. Again and again and again. I knew I was going to die. It wasn't fair, but shit happens.

No fear, just fight until the end, even though it was futile.

I was fast reaching the bottom, and then something amazing happened. The fine bits of scree had built up under my feet, and as I reached the bottom of the ice slope, they gave me some purchase and slowed me down enough to avoid going in the stream.

I sat there, dusted myself off, and went back off again and finally found a safe place to cross. I thought I was home and dry, only I found myself in a maze of meltstreams, which I stepped or leapt one by one to rejoin the main group. Cue 3-4 more leaps for life.

Walking home, I reflected that it was a touch scary, but still more Touching the Cloth than Touching the Void. Just a matter-of-fact near-death experience. One I walked away from.

So when did I get really scared? that night was a party night on station, and my research supervisor got even more pissed than I and he started dry humping a huge stuffed polar bear stood in the station's hallway. Complete with sound effects, grinding hips and hard-on.

And then I shat meself prodigiously in pure terror.

Apologies for length, but I had to make up for the boss's mini trouserlump.
(mochyn, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 20:04, Reply)

Scared.?
Having a Volvo carrying two friends hit the car I was a passenger in, literally 4 inches from my leg at 75mph, then it bouncing off a lorry.

One written off Volvo. Thankfully no injuries. grands worth of damage to car I was in and a lorry full of Sunny D with a bent rear bumper.

My trousers stayed the same colour thankfully.
(elfinpunk Touching Cloth Since, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 19:59, Reply)

Rats
Over a year ago, the house next to me had been left empty for many months, and the new owners had now decided to get the builders in and they gutted the house completely and deposited everything in about 6 or 7 skips. There's nothing scary about that. Meanwhile I was called away on business to South Africa, and one day I receive a hysterical phone call from Mrs Turb0t to say that there is a huge rat in the bin that is attached to the inside of the cupboard door under the kitchen sink. Obviously the rat had been evicted from the house next door when the builders moved in and decided to settle in Turb0t Towers.
Many weekly visits from the pest control man followed until he was satisfied that the rat(s) had gone. During this time I had to stay calm to keep Mrs Turb0t from getting hysterical about having a rat living in the house. I'm not saying that I wasnt afriad, but I had to show Mrs Turb0t that I wasn't.
Lets say about 6 months have passed...
I buy myself a nice new 7.1 surround sound A/V amplifier for my rather nice 46" Bravia X series TV.
Everything is connected up. Centre speaker, Two Front speakers, Two surround side speakers two rear surround speakers, low down, behind the seats, and a big subwoofer. Glory be to Sky+ that gives an optical digital sound output that plugs neatly into the amp.
First night, Myself and Mrs Turb0t have settled down in front of the TV with some take-away chinky food, and we start watching a psychological horror on Sky, and there is a russling noise coming from behind us. Mrs Turb0t lept 6 feet into the air screaming about "the rats come back". I just laughed as it was clearly the surround sound. It took me nealy half an hour to get her calm again.
The next morning I got up, went into the kitchen. The left over chinese food from the night before has all gone and the little containers are all over the floor, the fruit in the fruit bowl has been eaten to the core, and there is a wet dirty streak leading from the (filled up) sink to said fruit bowl. I was fucking petrified as the little fucker was back, not only that I was more scared that I had to clean up the kitchen and put things straight before Mrs Turb0t decided to come downstairs and get hysterical again.

Applogies for length, and that it was a fucking boring story which has now stolen 5 minutes of your life.
( turb0t, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 17:28, Reply)

just remembered about a time when
i had just got out the shower, and i was drying my hair with a towel, and so had it over my head. I turned and looked in the mirror and saw the fattest, meatiest, hairiest spider crawling down the towel towards my face. I think my heart stopped for about 5 seconds, while i thrashed around trying to get the towel off my head.
(biggiantmat, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 16:28, Reply)

EULAs
End User Licence Agreements.

Has anybody bothered to read these? In fact has anyone bothered to read any of the small print-y type things?

I don't usually, but I know I should as sometimes they say things like "if you do x, we'll come by and reposess your teeth".

Read the agreement for software - anything Microsoft in fact - they're absolved from anything and everything!
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 28 Feb 2007, 16:04, Reply)