Extra Protein Rations
In the film 'The Producers', there is only one bit that's REALLY worth seeing. They're trying to find the worst possible film script ever, so they're searching through scripts to find a real stinker. Mel Brooks picks up one script and distractedly reads:

"Gregor Samsar awoke one morning to find that he had been transformed into a giant cockroach...too good!"

and he throws the script over his shoulder. Can you guess what this post is about? Yes, it's COCKROACHES.

To pay my way through study this past year, I worked in the kitchens as a dishwasher. Hundereds and hundreds of plates and dishes (sadly enough, I got to know the cutlery pretty well - I had a favourite spoon, which I stole on the last day and still have with me in my bag). I got to know the entire kitchen very well, so sometimes they'd leave me in charge. Unfortunately, I also got to know the cockroaches rather too well.

This was in Israel, the Old City of Jerusalem no less. There are several pests to watch out for there:

1)cockroaches - they are HUGE and fly
2)feral cats - cute when little, but they all have feline aids
3)American teenagers - deceptively innocent, they sneak in at night and steal all the food for the next day

The cockroaches really got to me though. I like insects in general but cockroaches...and maggots, just aren't my thing. If I hadn't had to share my apartment with them, they may have seemed slightly more benevolent, but I began to suspect they were stalking me. They lived in the wall in our apartment kitchen, and would wave their antennea out of the small holes in the wall, jiggle this way and that, then withdraw. If several of them did it at once, the wall looked strangely pre-pubescent. Then I'd go to wash up, and they'd leap at me from the sink, play dead hanging around upside down, then madly kicking their legs around if I came near to sweep them up. I'd be frying up omlettes, and suddenly grab a pointy stick and try to shove the cockroach that had just appeared on the edge of the hob into the open flames. It also meant I couldn't let too many people in - they might see the little critters running around! It got to the point where one day, I came across a dead one upside down in the apartment and just sat staring at it for about an hour thinking "...I suppose it could be rather beautiful..." before sweeping it up and dumping it in the bin.

If any of the girls knew what the kitchens were really like - heh heh heh - they didn't even see the holes in the floor we had to pour the liquid waste down.

come on, you know you love this just because I've managed to incorporate the word 'cock' into it so many times...
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Sun 23 Jul 2006, 12:11, Reply)