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This is a question Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

Many years ago, I went out with a chef. Kitchens are merely vice dens with food. You couldn't move for people bonking and snorting coke in the store room. And the things they did with the food...

My personal vice was chocolate mousse - I remember it being very calming in all the chaos around me. I think they put things in it.

Tell us your stories of working in kitchens, bars and the rest of the nightmare that is the catering trade.

(, Fri 21 Jul 2006, 9:58)
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Tee with that, sir?
Many years ago I used to work as a barman in a Golf and Country Club, in Earls Colne, in Essex, and 'twas some of the best times of my bar tending career, half decent money, bit of respect from the punters, use of the gym, sauna, pool etc.

Every year they would have a summer ball where the members would have a slap-up feast in a huge marquee in the grounds, followed by a round of golf, tee-ing off at midnight. With so many inebriated, rich, up-tight golfers and their wives, the whole thing quickly slid into a morass of drunken, bodice-ripping, sexuality, with various people 'going to the loo' only to return disheveled and red-faced.

The food was superb and the Champagne flowed freely - the kitchen would even 'accidentally' cook about a dozen too many steaks and let us get rid of the evidence for them (Thanks Barry!). I remember me and a waitress, both of us plastered, sitting under a bush at about 2am, eating steak sandwiches and swigging from bottles of Moet.

Another part of our job was to wander the grounds when it started to get light, to round up any lost guests (and staff). So, as I wandered the essex countryside finishing off a last bottle of champers, I stumbled accross a couple getting friendly in one of the bunkers. I cleared my throat to announce my presence and advised them that the taxis would be arriving soon. As the lady tried to find her dress, the gentleman thanked me, then asked if there was any champagne left in the bottle I was carrying 'cos he'd accidentally got sand all over his cock, and needed to wash it off as he wasn't quite finished yet. Being a professional, I left him the rest of the bottle.

Length? Well, the champagne WAS pretty cold.
(, Thu 27 Jul 2006, 10:35, closed)

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