Arms smuggling
On a school trip to the south of France when I was 13, we were all very excited to discover that some of the local shops sold a variety of semi-dangerous weapons at fully-affordable prices. Even better was the fact that they had no qualms about selling to us youngsters. I bought a knuckle-duster, a butterfly knife and a ninja star for the equivalent of around fourteen quid. Score. Not that I had any use for these items of course, I wasn’t a trouble-maker nor part of any gang. Butterfly knives, knuckle dusters and ninja stars are cool however, so I wanted them.
The only issue now was how to get them back to good old England. Quite a few others had made similar purchases, so as well as taking back fond memories of a delightful trip to France, we were also taking back our own mini arms cache. We were travelling by coach of course, so no problems with airport security, though we knew there would still be border checkpoint patrols. I hid my knuckle duster and knife in a section of my pillow that I’d hollowed out, and the ninja star fitted neatly inside a half-empty bottle of sun lotion. The others used similar ingenious methods and away we went.
The shit-up moment came when the border checkpoint policeman and his gigantic fucking revolver decided to get on our coach and slowly walk up and down the bus, looking each and every one of us in the eye for signs of guilt. In my young mind, I was convinced that should we be caught, we would no doubt be spending the rest of our childhoods in a filthy French prison, being frequently sodomised by cheese-stinking guards like in a Gallic version of Sleepers. Luckily though we all managed to hold it together for what seemed like an eternity until Mr french policeman exited the bus. The communal sigh of relief was so loud it must almost have aroused the suspicion of the teachers.
Many hours and a long sleep later we were back home in London. Eager to show my older brother the contraband I had smuggled back, I hurriedly reached for my pillow and sun lotion bottle. But they were both empty. One of my swine classmates had managed to rob me blind while I was sleeping after we’d gotten over the border. The absolute cunt. Despite narrowing it down to the 3 or 4 people who knew the locations that I'd hidden my goods in, I never did find out who it was.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 15:23, 14 replies)

if you had your weapons
you could've offed them all one by one, a-la-revenge-ninja-style

instead, you're just £14 down

life is hard
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 15:25, closed)

If I had my weapons
There would nothing to avenge, surely?
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 15:31, closed)

hmm.... you have a point
go back to france and tool up again, do you have £14?
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 15:37, closed)

thanks!!!
...best £14 i never spent...
(NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 17:03, closed)

Everyone knows stories of those who have been to France
and bought armloads of throwing stars and such, yet all anyone ever has to show for it is, at best, a crappy penknife.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 19:49, closed)

I don't even have that

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 19:52, closed)

:(

(Nigella Pussycat picking baked-in hair from creme brulee, Sat 16 Jul 2011, 9:25, closed)

Don't you start
:P
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Sat 16 Jul 2011, 12:29, closed)

:)

(Nigella Pussycat picking baked-in hair from creme brulee, Sat 16 Jul 2011, 13:56, closed)

:P

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 8:50, closed)

.
Put your tongue away, you flaming slagheap
(Nigella Pussycat picking baked-in hair from creme brulee, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 14:05, closed)

I'm sorry
I hate it when it does that
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 19:35, closed)

Unbelieved
Slut
(Nigella Pussycat picking baked-in hair from creme brulee, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 21:32, closed)

You're right
I'm not sorry.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 10:05, closed)