The Hearse!
Who says you cant have a wacky road adventure without Americas long highways. Every childhood trip was an adventure between that ages of 10 and sixteen, thanks to some French car electrics installer presumably working on a friday afternoon.

To respond to a growing family my dad brought a giant peugeot 505 ( en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peugeot_505 ) with extra seats in the boot. It was painted jet black and looked like a hearse.

Despite being begged to sell it by myself and my brother " we cant go anywhere at school with out having the Adams family theme tune shouted at us!" it kept rolling along for six more years.

Highlights included:

Finding six month old chips hidden under the seats hidden by my sister who "wasn't hungry but, I didn't feel like throwing them away".

Overheating on a summer holiday as the electric seat warmers refused to turn off. We ended up having to remove the fuse for them.

Seeing cars honking at us on the motorway, we couldn't work out why. when we got to our destination we found that my sisters had been using the heat of the rear windows to make a haribo collage on the glass.

The clutch pedal falling off on the A6 when we went to visit the grandparents in Leicester. They drove to us and we had a picnic by the roadside for Sunday lunch instead.

Getting in and out was a mini-challenge as all the doors stopped working apart from the drivers door. The kids had to all squeeze in first then open the big doors for mum and dad. A great way to relax after a trip round the supermarket.

Possessed electric windows: Would they refuse to open, get stuck halfway down, open then refuse to close, or open then shut only to suddenly open half way and refuse to budge until you hit the door with you fist in the right place? It was a total gamble as to what would happen.

I have stronger memories of this car than of the actual destinations we (mostly) arrived at. Aided in part as my folks only had three cassettes that were kept in the car, so I get flashbacks whenever I hear UB40, men at work or tubular bells.

What finally persuaded us to get rid of the car was 'the incident', driving back from the west country after a holiday we were baking hot. When my sister committed the most heinous of crimes, touching the electric window button. My dad screamed "How many times must I tell you children NEVER to touch the windows? I had to take the car to the garage to get that closed the last time you played with it"

"but daaaaad its hooootttt"

My dad opened the sunroof instead, the only reliable part of the car. All was well until it started to rain, buckets of freezing English summer rain. Pressing the button to close the sunroof, only produced a dismal grinding sound. The sunroof refused to budge and the rain only fell harder.

For the rest of the long journey me and my mum had to hold floor mats over the gaping hole in the roof of the car getting shouted at if we let any water in. We pulled up to the house with tired arms frayed nerves, and sore throats from shouting at each other. As the car idled in the driveway there was a 'clunk' sound.

Wordlessly the whole family watched as the sunroof purred into place and locked shut.

Car 1 family 0, we sold it next week for something more economical, reliable and it has to be said dull.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 17 Jul 2011, 14:51, 6 replies)

Nicely written...
...have a click!
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Sun 17 Jul 2011, 15:43, closed)

Replace Puegot with MkII Granada Estate
And you have my childhood.

At the time the longest production car in the UK, at 16 1/2 feet long, carparks were always intersting. Holidays in Wales down some of the twisty turny lanes guaranteed to induce car sickness in us.
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Sun 17 Jul 2011, 15:57, closed)

Prior to this My dad had a succession of British Leyland models
I credit my mechanical skills to the fact that until I nearly left primary school, I assumed that having to take the car apart for a full service every weekend was a fact of car ownership.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 17 Jul 2011, 16:00, closed)

We had one of those beasts, the estate version that could seat about 10
I will never forget the sight of my (admittedly fairly deranged) father going Basil Fawlty on it after the electric locking refused utterly to open, even the boot. We were stranded in a pub car park, it was late, it was dark, and after much rummaging and cussing my dad finally lost his rag entirely and started jumping up and down on the roof. No, really. As he lept about like a rabid macacque with a poker up it's arse, the drivers door quietly popped open.

I loved that car.
(berk, Sun 17 Jul 2011, 18:10, closed)

Electric windows/sunroofs
really were shit weren't they? Or was it just that cars were shit back then?

I remember my dad having a car where you had to stop the sunroof in exactly the right place so it didn't leak.
( krang, Sun 17 Jul 2011, 22:29, closed)

What is it about hearse-like family cars being shit?

We had one of these for a while.

Things rattled in it, and we couldnt figure out what it was. Possibly it was the poorly assembled panels of faux-wood on the dashboard, but who knows?

The driver seat, when moved all the way back, would lock into place. It was also on quite an incline so if someone of stature (like me) were to climb in and try to adjust the seat it would slam into the farthest-away position, and stay there. This annoyed my mother intensely, as she is very short, and so is her temper. Cue much screaming at me (and/or dad) when she was in a hurry somewhere and couldnt adjust the seat.

The exhaust fell off once. I wasnt there but I think it was the section from the cat and out to the muffler, that whole part just dislodged and dragged on the pavement until my dad had pulled over.

It would frequently overheat from running out of coolant, despite there definitely not being a leak anywhere. Garages were baffled. We used to drive around with big 2L bottles of water, in case we had to refill the radiator.

Strange knocking sounds came from the suspension/brakes area. Again, garages were baffled, nobody could figure it out.

Other than this, there were little things like door handles coming clean off as you pulled them, and things generally falling apart. My dad has always sworn by German cars, saying they are superiour engineering. This was obviously the exception to the rule (much like German grammar).
(tyrellsOwl, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 13:04, closed)