My dumbass journey to South Africa
I spent part of my gap yah in SA. To get there I had to fly to Johannesburg (at the time I thought you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany) and then a small connecting flight to a military airbase (hoedspruit) that took a daily civilian flight.

I turned up to Heathrow as an optimistic 18yo with a daysack full of books - all the better to avoid interacting with anybody - and my hold luggage. Unfortunately the check-in girl took one look at my 10kg 'hand luggage' and with minutes to go until check-in close told me that I'd have to check it too, pick up both in Jo'berg and recheck them both back for the 2nd flight. More hassle.

I took everything bar one book, my passport and wallet out then said goodbye to both hand luggage and main luggage for the next 9 hours. IMMEDIATELY on the plane the chap in front of me (a kaffir as I would later learn to describe them Boer-style) put his seat 110% back so my view of the headtop tv was monochrome unless I slouched into a boomerang shape no chiropractor would recommend (actually I guess they would for the trade). A couple of seats over from me a guy complained of something dripping from the overhead compartment (this turned out to be raw meat someone had brought as hand luggage) but was hushed by the cabin staff and a baby gently (massively) wailed.

I arrived in Jo'burg to find neither my daysack or main luggage appeared on the carousel (as I was later to find they had safely made their transfer to the next flight to Hoedspruit). bummer. given my daysack had my ticket for the second leg of the journey I was not a little fucked.
As a scared lanky teenager I found the south african airways desk and they could not have been more helpful (for 'helpful' write 'FUCK YOU' twenty times instead).

Eventually I (my mother back in England) persuaded SA airway that it was their fault I was a dumbass and sent my ticket onwards without me, and to put me up for the night and provided a ticket for the next daily flight to the military airbase.

I spent the next 24hrs in a 4* hotel watching infomercials (this was 2001 - I'd never seen 30mins dedicated to an inversion table) then travelled back to the airport (which was rough as Venusville from Total Recall but without the 3-titted hookers), got through security and sat in departures scouring the board for my flight. And scouring. And searching. By 10mins past the departure time I was worried and found someone who told me that as it was a tiny flight one had to go and wait by the exact gate and in any case I had missed it.

I then went backwards through security (hopefully for the last time in my life) to find friendly Mrs SA airways who ('FUCK YOU') eventually sorted the next day's flight to Hoedspruit though this time I had to pay. And pay for the downmarket hotel in which I sat literally under the sheets for the next 24hrs terrified of being carjacked (that's what happened in SA wasn't it? in car or out?) not eating until I then went back to Venusville.

Got through security, welded myself to the correct gate and finally got on the right plane. Landed in Hoedspruit and the poor guy who'd driven 45mins to the airport the last 2 days said "Where you been? you're luggage got here 2 days ago."
(dyllon nice beaver., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 0:17, 17 replies)

It seems that you were a bit disorganised.
I suggest - don't put documents you may need for your trip anywhere except on your person.
Do get concerned about which boarding gate you have to go to 10 min. *before* you are supposed to get on the plane, not 10 min. after.
Do thank your mum.
Don't call people kaffir - that shit'll get you a panga to the face sooner or later.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 4:21, closed)

Huh?
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panga
(dyllon nice beaver., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 10:35, closed)

A big, fuck off, hack people to pieces & cut the grass blade.
The tapanga is a variant used in East and southern Africa. This name may be of Swahili etymology; not to be confused with the Panga fish. The panga blade broadens on the backside and has a length of 16 to 18 inches (41 to 46 cm). The upper inclined portion of the blade may be sharpened.[13] This tool was used as a weapon in South Africa particularly in the 1980s and early 1990s when the former province of Natal was wracked by conflict between the African National Congress and the Zulu-nationalist Inkatha Freedom Party.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:43, closed)

What the fuck are you doing calling people kaffir
By the way, is your name Giles Wemmbly Hogg?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 6:08, closed)

you spasticated racist.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 7:50, closed)

insensitive bastards my mum died from a spasticated racist

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 7:59, closed)

Fuck me,
it's week of the racists.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 8:26, closed)

I challenge anyone to go live in South Africa for a length of time...
And not return home a casual racist. The blacks hate the whites and visa versa. It's historic don't you know.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 9:21, closed)

oh, well that's alright then.
actually, the whites hate each other as well. british south africans vs afrikaaners.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 9:24, closed)

Actually janet has got it right
absolutely on the button. Only group of people I've come across more racist is the Han Chinese.
Oh & me. Fucking boongs.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 9:35, closed)

You pay for me to get set up in SA for a year and I'll rise to your challenge.
Otherwise don't assume how I'd react in hypotheticals please.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 9:25, closed)

^ This

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 9:44, closed)

I do know a fucktard who did just that
and I know some other people who didn't, becuase they're not fucktards.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 9:58, closed)

Is this Incoherent Ranting by Casual Racists Week or something?
Edit: Mindpiss
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 8:26, closed)

"Your"
Sorry*.


*I'm not.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:16, closed)

Your a pedcunt
....but I like you.
Ps imagine if I'd misspelt kaffir with only one 'f'. They'd've been reely furious then.
(dyllon nice beaver., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:36, closed)

for me the most depressing thing about this story
isn't your general ineptidude or racism. It's the fact you had to get your mummy to sort it all out for you. The whole fucking point of these trips is you're supposed to get in the shit and get back out of it yourself. Hang your head in shame.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:45, closed)