Groupies
One of the strangest groupie stories I recall was when a friends band were playing a small tour in Holland - they were staying at a friends place and I would tag along and catch the gig on film for posterity. This one particular gig is at a youth club in some hick town up north. Before the gig (after walking for miles to buy bannanas for the tech who had a seratonin deficiency earlier in the day) I am chatting with the drummer who tells me excitedly he has a fan flying over from England just for the night to see the show, and how he thought he was getting lucky tonight.

Backstage a little later in he comes to the dressing room where the band are all sitting with this youngish lass, who proceeds to just it down bringing out and playing various little hand held computer games - you know the circa 80's Kong and the like - we all thought it a little odd she travels all this way to see a band, then when hanging out just ignore them.

Anyway gig starts, fun is had, but I notice all through the gig, this girl elects instead to sit in the club bar drinking and talking to some local chap who hardly spoke any english. She makes no effort to reappear until well after the show when she is seen spinning like a top in the middle of the gig floor on her own to some happy hardcore the DJ was playing to no one in particular.

We start discussing the likelyhood that the drummer hand landed himself with someone who had escaped her care in the community order. Then back at the band house, she gets much nuttier offering everyone 'rim jobs' repeatedely - gender regardless, all in her very public schoolgirl accent. She ends up in another room and I just sit chatting with the band until about 3 when they all start retiring.

Still enjoying my beer I discover the drummer, the lighting tech and this fruitcake in one of the rooms talking crap, and then out comes the reason she is so bizarre - first the coke - loads of it - I mean a tobacco tin full which she continues to hoover up, and with assisatnce from the other two. It then turns out she starts talking about "Daddy X" (The X is not his real nam, obviously for legal reasons) - turns out she is the love child of two rather famous performers of the punk era - they had obviously made a few quid, sent her off to finishing school all the while she was picking up their old habits.

She stayed up until 8am hoovering charlie up her hooter, then promptly jumped in a cab and headed back to London - total time in Holland - about 12 hours. Gak consumed - unbelievable. And gigs seen? None.

As for Rim Jobs, I never found out, but the code of the road would prevent me from telling anyway...
(Waynster James Joyce is fucking my sister!, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 15:17, Reply)