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This is a question Rock and Roll Stories

My personal Spinal Tap moment came when we got locked into the Festival Hall in London by accident. We ended up wandering the maze of backstage corridors carrying a three foot high piece of cheese looking for the one door that would lead us to salvation.

What goes on tour may stay on tour, but B3ta doesn't count. Tell us everything.

(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 13:47)
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Hello Reading!! Folk 'n' Jazz!!
Hell yeah!! \m/

My dad crewed for the fore-runner of the Reading Festival - the Reading Jazz and Folk Festival.
Crewing for gigs is hard work, even in the early / mid sixties when amps were less powerful - they were heavier. After much lifting and running and cabling and whatnot, young dad is exhausted and collapses in the sun to sleep (may have also involved beer) in the audience seating.
Audience arrives, sits, TV cameras arrive, jazz band go on and blare out raucous 60s beatnik jazz squawkings... dad snoozes on. TV people note sleeping man surrounded by jumping jazz fans and loud drum'n'double-bass and move in for a close up.
Dad wakes up confronted by a giant multi-lenses BBC camera, inches from his nose.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 14:03, Reply)
dukefukem on Cliff...
...doesn't surprise me in the least - confirmed bachelor? Yeah, me too.

We were talking about the Peter Pan of Pap this morning, actually. It seems he's set to be shown (up) in one of Gordon Ramsay's televisual programmings soon. Apparently, Cliff owns a number of vineyards and he was bitching about the quality of the wine that was served with Ramsay's victuals. Ramsay pipes up with 'It's your wine, you dickhead'. Cliff has been recorded really going off on one at this rebuke, effing and blinding and calling Ramsay every name under the sun. A fair bit of it has been cut out, we're told, but you still get to see a fair pissed-off-Cliff.

Cliff ruffled? I've fucking GOT to see that :)
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 13:31, Reply)
I met Public Enemy
when I was about 13 because my Uncle Del was doing sound on the desk at Brixton Academy and Chuck D was the nicest bloke in the world very intersting and interested and clever and funny and warm and friendly. We exchanged letters for a few years and I met him again when i was in America last year. Flavor flav is an arshole though.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 13:29, Reply)
I like Blink182

giving me the musical taste of a 14 year old boy.

However, I also like Peter, Paul and Mary, giving me the musical taste of that boy's Dad.

So on average, I'm in my mid 20s, making me totally ROCK N ROLL.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 12:42, Reply)
Gay Pop Star
My mum was a bit of a party animal in the sixties and she went to a few parties where there were celebs. She can guarantee me that without a 'shadow' (clue) of doubt that a certain timeless british elvis wannabee is a fully paid up member of the bumsexual brigade. I will leave you with this Cliff hanger...
answers on a postcard to the qotw board please.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 12:39, Reply)
a fond memory
is playing 'God Only Knows' simultaneously in all 3 rooms at the very end of the night at our last ever tube station party, and seeing all the crowd and a load of the acts/dj's singing along.

same song we buried my uncle to just over a year later. Cant hear it without feeling sad and happy at the same time.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 12:21, Reply)
on tour in germany in 2002
our Dresden gig was in a building complex that had been used by the Nazi's as an olympic traning centre, and then the Russians, as a base of military operations.

After the gig, we were all crashing out in a room upstairs, the promoters bid us goodnight, and informed us 'This is the room Hitler used to stay in'
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 12:19, Reply)
Bad Candy
There is a Dutch all female group called Bad Candy - guitar based but aimed squarely at your teenage kids - hell they even have a cartoon over here about them.

My mates band got to play a festival with them in a place called America - no not the united states of, but a small village in Limburg. Nice girls, all very prim and proper. They are a very pretty but prim band, with a wholesome image to portray with such a targeted audience.

Fast forward a few months and we (ie me and the guitarist from mates band) go and watch another gig of a friends band - in the audience is the guitar player from Bad Candy. Jesus Christ for a teenage pin up she was a fucking animal - swigging out of a bottle of Jack, slam dancing on the dance floor, a mouth that would make Lemmy blush, and then proceeded to try and snog all the female members of the headline act - with that mouth. Oh and every time a camera was pointed at her, she insisted on exposing her very unshaven armpits.

I believe she is no longer in Bad Candy - something about a difference of objectives with the others.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 11:49, Reply)
One to piss off the girlies
Ville Vallo from HIM - loved by millions of young fillies. I helped him play the quiz machine in my local. Nice chap, quite short.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 11:40, Reply)
Elton John is so rock and roll,
That his wife is actually a man! Called David!
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 11:32, Reply)
L E T S G O...
Stppenwolf, rather well known song 'Born To Be Wild'.

Lyric: "I like smoking lightning. Heavy metal thunder..."

'Fraid that's the source. As entertaining as your uncle sounds.

I'm sad.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 11:30, Reply)
My Uncle
is a mentalist.
You can't talk to him, he'll just bang on and on about crap. Most of it fascinating in a way,
If you like non connected subjects and you don’t mind being talked "at" forever.
It is EXCRUCIATING. Seriously.

Back in the day before the drugs took hold of him fully (darth vader style) he was a talented musician, played sax and sitar (not at the same time, but very fucking well). and used to be in with the in crowd.
He would hang out with the likes of The Stones, Fleetwood Mac (he played sax on a couple of their albums) and was good mates with jimmy page. I know this sounds a bit of a tall story already. but it's true, it’s true true true.

One day my uncle was at Jimmy’s flat in Wallington (suburb of London) who had just received a new guitar, which was made of metal instead of wood. My uncle picks it up (probably stoned) and says "wow this metal guitar is really heavy!" Jimmy looks at him "yeah... heavy... metal...". Or some shit like that.

And there you have the legend. My uncle invented the term "heavy metal". Or laid the egg that turned into the phrase anyhoo. I guess you'd have to ask Mr Page if that’s the exact way it went down. If he remembers. Which I doubt.

(my uncle also has some unreleased stones mixes from some not to brilliant session in some studio.)

oh and another funny(ish) story, this one I know is true cause it comes from my dad, who isn’t nuts... well, not in the same way.

He told me how he went to a party with some mates. In the 60s.
It was in a hall with a band and the band were shite. (like god awful). After some time my dad and his mates have had enough of the crap band (seeing as how they were all musos) and one of my dads gang is so pissed off he gets on stage and grabs a guitar and starts playing; really fucking well! The band are impressed and asked this guy if he wants to join them. The guy said something along the lines of "no chance" and hands the guitar back. Not such a great story, except the guy in question turns out to be Eric Clapton. Who’d a fuckerty ding donged it eh?
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 10:56, Reply)
the local paper

had as a recent headline "Cancer drug used for abortions".

If there's never been a punk song called that, there should be.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 4:49, Reply)
my then-girlfriend

was quite the feminist.

Once we went to a gig, and she pointed out some punky/metally-looking girls hanging around at the side of the stage. She said "are those the band's girlfriends?". She was incredibly embarrassed after being told that was the band.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 3:16, Reply)
i was in a band once
we were named after a poison, i forget which. we played heavy metal. we disbanded (arf) after a couple of months, not because we were painfully bad, oh no, but because our bassist wasn't turning up for practice because of a "drug addiction". she wouldn't tell us what drug she was addicted to, but it turned out she'd got herself up the duff and would rather make up some rock 'n' roll excuse than admit the truth. we were 13.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 23:05, Reply)
Christmas day, about 2 years ago.
10 in the morning, looking FABULOUS, with a bunch of drugs and a bottle of budweiser (opened with my teeth).

The same year about an hour later my nan comes stumbling into her lounge with a bottle of sherry, belches loudly, pulls the cork out of the bottle with her teeth and takes a swig.

Rock and roll doesn't have to happen at gigs, kids : )
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 22:24, Reply)
I tell you whats really not rock 'n roll in the slightest?

Picture the scene. You've been given a lift between two gigs with a good indie band. Very kind. You're sitting next to the singer.. you've not been drinking (unlike everyone else) and you're not on any form of drugs. But you vomit. Lots. Into coffee cups.

But you don't stop there! You continue to vomit despite filling your first cup.. try to hand the full cup to the singer who leaps into the backseat and ends up sat on the drummers head. Putrid sick goes all over your jeans and the bus, with guitarist, keyboardist and friends all trying hard not to chuck up, the singer looking positively terrified and the drummer being suffocated by aforementioned singer's arse.


But the problem's don't stop here, oh no. The band and bus are on their way to a radio interview in the most rock 'n roll of places (that'd be High Wycombe then..), and already sligthly late. Add to that the problems of sick in a bus, and it's not pleasant.

So, an irate tour manager pulls over to the hard shoulder, gets all five members of the band, plus himself, plus two crew, plus a mutual friend out of the van to stand on the side of the motorway for 10 minutes whilst you change out of your pukey jeans into your pyjamas.

Which you proceed to go to the radio intervew in.
And almost to the gig later that night, until your beloved friend offers you her trousers.

That's very, VERY not rock 'n roll.
Don't throw up in tourbuses..
Tour managers tend to hate you for it.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 22:00, Reply)
Radio mics are great v2!
I've got loads of these stories :-)

We supported Big Country years ago in Cambridge, and we didn't realise at the time that our guitarist's radio mic was at the same frequency as Big Country's guitarist/singer Stuart someone or other. They were doing their soundcheck, and all of a sudden this real heavy guitar riff started coming through. He looked at his guitar, then his amp and the look on his face was 'WTF is going on?'.

Our guitarist had started playing his guitar in his dressing room and didn't realise his radio mic was switched on. This guys face was a picture. He really couldn't work out how someone had hijacked his guitar amp.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 19:38, Reply)
Radio mics are great!
I played bass in various bands over the years. One band I was in played at Plinston Hall in Letchworth. Our guitarist had just got a radio mic and decided it would be great to wander into the audience playing his guitar. He got a bit carried away and ended up with the head of his guitar getting tangled in some poor girls long hair. It took what seemed like ages to get him untangled and back on with the gig.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 19:31, Reply)
my personal spinal tap moment come wen
i watched spinal tap. also when i got a red hot chili pepers tattoo rock hurt like a cunt im very very drunk
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 19:26, Reply)
Was once in a rock band...
until I was asked to leave when I was unable to attend gigs due to the fact that my mother insisted I was back home before it was dark.

Frankly, I wasn't too bothered, the other 3 members smoked and it was really starting to give me a chesty cough being around them.

On the bright side though, I have took some inspiration from the likes of Jerry Lee Lewis, and I'm now happily shacked up with my 14 year old cousin.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 19:23, Reply)
About a month ago went to JBs in the day time (just to find out where it was etc
Get there mid afternoon and there's a tour bus parked and a real live band ! Some are soundchecking, but there are 3 guys looking very bored playing footy with a crushed can.
The band was scary Finish Death Metallers "Impaled Nazareen" - they looked quite nice lads actually
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 17:27, Reply)
i used to be in a band once.....
i was 12 at the time.
we wrote one good song. it was called
the knob head in the lime green coat.
dedicated to our headmaster. shame we quit
before he got to hear it.
here's part of the chorus:

here he comes again
head right up his arse
face like a goat
the knobhead in the lime green coat

yes we were 12 and yes he had a face like a goat.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 17:18, Reply)
Cock Rockers

At a very bad gig I remember two awful bands coming down to play and bringing their rock slut girlfriends with them. After about half an hour of the second shit band (I'm very tolerant of crap rock) I retired upstairs for some peace a quiet only to be confronted by the lead singer of the support band receiving a blow job off the girl friend of the lead singer from the headline band.

this would have only caused a passing giggle if it wasn't for the headline band cutting their set short and the leadsinger heading straight for the upstairs bar for a drink. He spots his mate. "Hey man...nice work!", he then recognises his girlfriend. "What the fuck!" His mate replies "You can have a go on mine if you want!" a barrage of fists and headbutts insure and both bands are thrown out kit and all.

I never did find out if he was offering him a go on his cock or his girlfriend.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 17:10, Reply)
Rock n Roll
Saw Shane Embury from Napalm Death at a "Mastodon" gig in birmingham. Not massively impressed but he does have fuckin stoopid hair. And when I saw Ginger at the Barfly (just after the Wildhearts split...again) last year, whilst watching the support band ("Superreal") I spotted the man himself watching them from the sidelines. I left him alone cos i) I respect his privacy and ii) Id probably stand there and emabrrass myself by going "Your him aren't you ? With the song" or summat.
(edit) off to see him tonite - any other b3tans going to the Civiv Bar in Wolverhampton ?

Saw Spike from "Quirboys" at a UFO gig (QB's were supporting and were SHIT - you aint the Stones or Small faces). Spike walks past me (hes a short arse) with this absolute MUNTER on his arm. Ugh, but they probably desrved each other.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 17:06, Reply)
re: misteroz
I have to click 'I like this' for 'misteroz' as it just struck so many chords (though not musical one's of course.

As a 12/13 year-old my friends and I formed The Blue Arsed Flies. The name was my sole creative input to the project and after three or four 'practice sessions' where we craply plucked away at guitars to the back-beat of a Yamaha DD-6 drum machine looking desperately at each other in the hope the someone else would suggest playing Amiga instead, we packed it in.

Oh, and agead far too old not to know better a group of friends camping decided to form a band. Named it, devised the first album and photographed the cover art, wrote the track listing and I think three songs. Then dis much the same for the 'difficult second album' and then (I believe) devised the story of how we split up due to musical differences. One or two of us repeated the process for our solo projects!

Deary, deary me!
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 17:03, Reply)
Up Close and Personal with Jerry Lee Lewis
A journalist I used to work with (who I'll call Ed) told me of the time in the early 80s he was sent out to interview Jerry Lee Lewis. As a young man, he was nervous about meeting the Killer, particularly as the other journalists at his paper had refused to do the interview, citing his wildness.

So Ed turned up at the post-gig piss-up to interview Jerry Lee, who promptly put Ed in a vicious headlock and then calmly returned to his conversation. Ed wasn't quite sure how long he was in the headlock for; it felt like hours but was probably less than a minute. He only wriggled out of the headlock because Jerry Lee had to relight his cigar.

Finally freed, Ed asked the Killer about the relatively poor ticket sales for his tour. Jerry Lee responded "Anyone who doesn't come to see me play can use my dick as a walking pole".

Ed then asked about Jerry Lee's scandalous personal life. Jerry Lee fixed him a look of pure hatred and said "I've shot people for less than that". Considering that Jery Lee had in fact shot his own bass player some years before, Ed didn't doubt it.

Jerry Lee told a few absolutely filthy stories about Elvis, Johhny Cash and some groupies before the entrance of some young women meant that Jerry Lee lost all interest in Ed, leaving Ed to mention the matter of the headlock to Jerry Lee's manager. "He does that to everybody. It's just his way of saying hello" said the manager.

Ed stuck around and watched Jerry Lee, then in his late 40s, outdrink men half his age. He also found out that once you attended a Jerry Lee Lewis party, you didn't leave until Jerry Lee left. And Jerry Lee had no intention of leaving. So, he watched as men, no longer able to drink or stand, collapse on the floor while the Killer kept drinking, seemingly unaffected.

Ed finally bolted around 5.00am so he could get his article written. When asked about the night he said that when he was in the headlock he thought "What a unique rock 'n' roll story, to be in a headlock by a Rock and Roll legend" only to find out he was but one of hundreds to find themselves stuck in the sweaty armpit of the Killer.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 17:02, Reply)
I took my 3 year old to see The Wiggles
She was so overcome with excitement and awe, she pissed her pants.

They probably get this a lot.

Actually, we noticed one of them backstage having a sneaky fag. The shame...
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 16:37, Reply)
Between the ages of 14-16
I was in a band called Skizofrenia, later called Utopia.

Well, I call it a "band" when it was actually just me and my friend Matt. We never played any gigs or recorded any songs, though we did write a few awesome tunes such as "Mr Dog's trip to the kebab shop" and "There is a man called bastard head".

I rock so much I actually shit myself.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2006, 15:52, Reply)

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